Monday, August 10, 2015
8/10/15 - All in or all out
I don't have to be perfect to be good enough. I am such an all or nothing person. I am either all in or all out. If I don't think I can do it perfectly or if I feel like some of the process is out of my control, I am all out. I do this with everything - alcohol, relationships, projects, diet and exercise...how do I change this?
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When I was drinking, I struggled constantly to be the "best," mainly because I was trying to compensate for my drinking. "Yes, I'm a drinker, but I still did this and this and this..." It's exhausting and I don't know how I did it. The thing was, I never really even knew myself, how could I? Drinking had skewed my personality in so many ways, how could I ever get down to the real me.
ReplyDeleteNow that I've quit, I'm getting to know myself. I am a horrible grump in the mornings, even without a hahgover. I find the laziness that I was always accused of as a kid has come home to roost. I'm shy, and that's okay. I'm bookish, and that's okay too.
Back then, I think I felt I needed to fix a lot of things about me, I had to seem perfect because I saw my drinking as an unforgivable flaw, if everything else was perfect, maybe no one would notice. Now, I can accept my little imperfections with a little more compassion, I got rid of my biggest imperfection.
Me too.
ReplyDeleteSince I quit drinking I have worked on finding the grey area. A comfortable race in good enough. It is much more satisfying.
Have you read Brene Brown's book the gifts of imperfection? It really helped me start letting go of the idea that perfectionism is a good thing. It isn't, at least not for me.
Anne
Ha Ha! I just went to your blog and read it. I was going to copy and paste what I wrote here on yours (Note the laziness identified in my comment.).
DeleteI guess we're all on the same wavelength.
To be honest I have know. Let us know if you figure it out.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys. I'm really going to work on this and I put that book in my Amazon cart. Thanks for the recommendation.
ReplyDelete