Saturday, February 14, 2015
This is close to the view I am seeing this morning from out place in the mountains. I am up and not hungover and pretty proud of myself. I had one HUGE craving yesterday afternoon where I almost caved. It was soo close. We had been skiing all morning and were coming in for lunch.My sister who doesn't ski had a table saved for us. It was a beautiful, sunny 40 degree day, I didn't have to go home and I wouldn't be the only one drinking. The thought of sitting in the sun, having a beer was actually too much. I have to admit that I had already talked myself into having that beer, to trying again, to doing better this time, convincing myself that I din't want to not drink forever.
But...when I get to the table, they are over in a corner, inside, surrounded by crowds of people (who aren't drinking BTW). They aren't drinking and my sister and her boyfriend are actually arguing, so the intense craving just went away - instantly. It was like if my perfect little scenario of sitting in the sun with my ski boots off, my feet up, having a beer with my friends wasn't happening, I didn't care at all. Weird how one little trigger can make that much of a difference.
When we got back from skiing, the wine was flowing, but I didn't drink. I have a little confession that I did take a pain pill for my leg, which was hurting again after skiing. That messed with my head just enough to make me not want to drink. I know that sounds terrible, just telling the truth. The question is why does anything need to mess with my head?
I did notice last night when everyone was drinking except me, my family says some pretty mean shit to each other, especially when drinking. I don't understand why everyone has to make negative (oh I'm just joking) comments all the time. I really don't think I do this (that much) but when drinking, I can just ignore all of it and blow it off. I sure noticed it more last night and I don't like it.