Monday, February 16, 2015

Excellent video about being a role model for our kids

OMG! This video is so true! especially the end when the rabbit?? says, "Who can make it all better?"

I worry so much about this.  My children (20 yo dd and 16 yo ds) know how much I struggle with alcohol.  I have been really upfront with them about my struggles in the last 2 years or so.  They were actually very surprised.  They thought I was a normal social drinker who just got carried away once in awhile and was just really tired or getting sick on Sundays.  Sometimes I worried about them knowing too much of my struggles (you know the whole putting adult problems on children thing) but I also didn't want them to think that drinking was this amazingly positive party thing that people just do.

They saw me party with my friends for 15 years (my son) and 19 years (my daughter). They liked the fact that I was fun and had friends and seemed young and happy and social.  They had no idea about the mental anguish I went through (no one did for about 5 years).  We live in a social neighborhood were everything is an excuse to drink and I was the party planner.  It was my excuse to drink in a safe (no driving) environment where my kids were also playing with other kids. It was perfect - except for the fact that I was doing all of that drinking in front of my kids.

My son wants NOTHING to do with any of it to the point that he won't drink wine at communion and won't take 2 Tylenol for fear of what it will do to his liver.  My worry for him is that when he goes to college and does "try" it, he will go to the other extreme.

My daughter is starting off just like me when I was 20, binge drinking on the weekends.  She told me that she does not drink for the taste or relaxation. She said she doesn't drink very often, but when she does it is shots of vodka with OJ chaser so she doesn't taste it and she gets drunk faster.  That scares the SHIT out of me! My fear for her is that she will turn out exactly like me!

I was even looking forward to her being of the age that we could drink together.  How sick is that? One of the reasons I didn't want to quit is because she is almost there. WTF?? On the show Intervention there are fathers who shoot heroine with their sons.  I am mortified and disgusted by the lack of parenting! How would I be any different when drinking with my daughter?

Looking back, I know I have not been a good role model in this area.  They saw their mother (and all the other parents) drink socially to have fun.  They never saw anything bad come from it, it all just probably looked fun to them.  That is why I want them to know about my struggles now.  It isn't all fun and games.  That evening of fun eventually comes with a hefty price mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally.

The absolute best thing I can do for them now is show them that it is possible to be happy without alcohol.  As much as I struggle, I want them to see me as a happy, social, outgoing, positive person without drinking.

1 comment:

  1. Wow!I have 15 year old daughter and 11 year old son and I have the same concern. At this point my daughter is terrified of alcohol and the effects it has on her friends who have started drinking. We are talking about my history and she is following my progress as I work on stopping.I do remember my mom telling me that she was going to stop drinking when she was about 50 because she realized that she was an alcoholic.I was in my early 20' s at the time and thought that she was exaggerating.I was also a bit put out because I thought that meant that I couldn't drink around her. The thing is that her telling me that when she was 50 has helped me accept the same thing about myself after many many years of escalating drinking. I think that the best thing we can do for our kids is to keep growing ourselves. They need to make their own mistakes and they need to know that we are also human.
    I am very new to the sobriety blog community and very thankful for all of the help I'm finding here.
    You're story and mine are so similar!