I like to tell myself it is to help me relax.
I like to tell myself it is to fight boredom.
I like to tell myself it is to celebrate a Friday in the sun.
I like to tell myself it is to help me socialize with my friends.
I like to tell myself it is to help me enjoy vacations/holidays.
I like to tell myself it is to help me have fun.
I like to tell myself it is to help me fit in, to feel accepted.
I like to tell myself it is to help me not feel left out.
I like to tell myself it is to help others not feel uncomfortable around me.
I like to tell myself that I deserve it after a long day.
I like to tell myself that I am fine and I can handle it.
I like to tell myself that I am making a big deal out of nothing.
I like to tell myself that I a obsessing over obsessing.
The reality:
Those are all just excuses my addiction uses to trick me.
I drink because I am addicted to alcohol. My body and my brain need it and will tell me whatever I need to hear to give in and feed it the addictive drug that it craves.
I am a voracious reader, but it's just on sober blogs that I read things where I relate to Every Single Sentence! Love your honest self-reflection. Hang in there ~ I so hate that I'm going to be all cliche here, but it really does get better. So so much better...
ReplyDeletemy addiction is like a wolf. a red-wine-wolf. it sneaks out when i'm not paying close attention. it fills my head with bullshit ...
ReplyDeleteAnd the biggest line of bullshit I told myself was that I was making a big deal out of nothing. Wrong! Normal drinkers don't have to say that to themselves because to them drinking is not a big deal, to us it is everything, not nothing.
ReplyDeleteHOLY smokes. Leaps and bounds my friend! So very proud, you must be too.
ReplyDelete