Sunday, August 26, 2012
I feel better when i don't drink
First of all, thank you so much for those that respond to my blog. I actually feel kind of a commitment to update. I know there was a blog I was checking for a couple of months of someone who was trying to stop. She hadn't posted in a long time, and I just found myself so concerned that something bad had happened.
Anyway, did not drink during the week last week. I was pretty busy with ds basketball practice, dd back to school night and my own stuff at school. It really never even crossed my mind. Pretty tired all week. Just couldn't keep my head up past 7:00 even though I was sleeping pretty well and not drinking...a little discouraging.
Friday, I knew I had to get ds to bb practice at 7:30 so that kept the urges away before that. After, I went to a sort of celebration party for someone who is dear to me. Kind of a business thing, so no alcohol. I maybe wouldn't have gone if what I really wanted was to get home to drink. It felt nice to show up for something you really don't want to go to, just to make someone else happy, instead of blowing it off to drink. Seems a little less selfish. Had planned on dh picking ds up, but I decided to. Kept me busy. Did not have the desire to drink at all.
Saturday, FINALLY!!!, I woke up feeling fantastic! I cleaned my house, did my yard work, did laundry and paid bills. I had energy and it felt great! As is so typical in my neighborhood, a BBQ started being planned around noon for that evening. Everyone was going, and I was a little nervous. They wanted me to do it, which I would have jumped at in the past. I said, "No." I still had my work to finish, I had just cleaned my house and I wanted to be able to leave if I needed to.
I finish my work, take a shower and we go over a little late. I figure if everyone already has their buzz on, they will be less concerned with me. Wine is flowing, homemade beer is being poured. Everyone is laughing and having a good time. I walk in with a great big Sobe and my dinner. I eat, drink my Sobe, which I usually wouldn't drink (too much sugar) but figure it is better than alcohol, and am settling in. My neighbor tells me there is wine in the kitchen, and I tell her I am thinking about what to drink, just full at the moment, which was actually true. I was actually having a little battle in my head....I am going to have a glass of wine...I will stop at 2....it is already 8:00....I can stop at 2....I worked hard today....It will be fine...I am good....this time will be different...I will try harder this time....It is a beautiful evening... It would be nice to relax, enjoy the evening with my friends with a glass of wine...my kids aren't here so they wouldn't know...nobody here knows or cares..........................................................
I almost had that glass of wine, but............ someone, I think it was lulu, said something that has totally resonated with me
I FEEL BETTER WHEN I DON'T DRINK
I can't argue that with myself, there is no way I can say that I am just obsessing with that thought, it doesn't sound negative, it is coming from a positive place, it doesn't sound so scary/judgy to tell other people, it sounds healthy, it just feel right to me because it is true...no matter what else I try to tell myself, I feel better when I don't drink. That couple of hours of "fun" just isn't better than how much better I feel physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally when I don't drink....so I didn't and I actually had fun...OMG!!!! I talked, participated, was totally in control of my volume, everything I was doing and saying. When one of my friends started dancing I thought about what I would have been doing. When one of my friends started slurring, I thought about how much better I was going to feel in the morning.
The only person that said anything the rest of the evening, was another neighbor when I was getting ready to leave. He said, "Come on, just stay and have one more (he meant beer)." I found myself almost laughing out loud....he thought I was drinking all along. I said, "One more glass of water? I might pee my pants!"
Maybe, finally, fingers crossed, with this mantra - I feel better when I don't drink - I have turned a corner. I hope so because I feel pretty darn amazing!