Saturday, August 18, 2012

What do I say???

What I am struggling with right now is how to deal with other people.  I don't want to tell people I am not drinking bc I don't want it to be a big deal.  I don't want people to feel uncomfortable around me.  I want everyone to do what they normally do and not worry about me.

I went out to dinner with some girlfriends last Sunday.  I was not drinking and I think the whole atmosphere was a little weird.  I talked to my friend about it later and she agreed (I thought maybe it was just me).  I said maybe i just felt it bc I wasn't drinking.  She said maybe she felt it bc I wasn't drinking.  That's what I am talking about.  I know I was always really uncomfortable drinking around someone who wasn't bc they had "issues" with it.  I don't want to be "that person."

On the other hand, sometimes it makes it easier.  My really good drinking buddy doesn't even call me when she knows I am not drinking.  I think she wants to drink and is just respecting me.  That makes it easier.  It makes me question our friendship a little but it does make it easier.

I also don't want to avoid everyone, hide in my house which just adds to the boredom/depression.  I tried that last time and I think is was so isolating that it is one of the reasons I started drinking again in April.  How do I deal with that?  How do I balance my sobriety with still being the social person that I am?


  1. It's really pretty straightforward. When you're so sick and tired of being sick and tired that you can't stand it one more second then you'll walk away and do whatever it takes NOT to pick up. That's it. End of conversation.

    I can only speak to the way it was for me. Before I committed to sobriety (notice I didn't say recovery-that didn't happen until later) I danced around the commitment and I allowed any little excuse to push me over the top. Bad day. Stressful day. Invitation from someone who I wasn't ready to tell. Not wanting anyone to make a big deal and feel uncomfortable.

    And then I did what I needed to do and called BULLSHIT on my lying ass.

    It wasn't that I didn't want to make anyone else uncomfortable, it's that I didn't want to commit to sobriety yet. I wanted to still believe I could moderate and be normal. Why tell everyone I had a drinking problem (much less that I was an alcoholic-gasp) when I wasn't sure? I fully intended to drink again. I was just taking a break...right?

    Because once I womaned-up and started to admit to people that I wasn't drinking and stopped trying to control what they thought or felt about it I really didn't give a rats ass whether it was uncomfortable or not. Because by then I was so sick and tired I would have done ANYTHING to protect my sobriety.

    And I did.

    But that's just me. You have to figure out what's right for you. Good luck. You'll figure it out.

  2. Despite my years of living solo (which is a bit different here in new york city from anywhere else - solo is not very solo, ultimately) I am the most social person in the room, anywhere, anytime. It took me a while to shift from being the person organizing post-work drinks to being the person I am now... which I can't really describe except to say I am still some kind of people-energizer, but in a healthy, balanced, well - sober way. It just evolved with time and oh, how grateful I am! You will get there...

  3. how to deal with others: I've said "i'm on a diet so i've given up booze for 3 months" - that usually changes the subject to weight loss. I've said "i'm doing a self-discipline challenge to give up booze for a few months. it's not as easy as it looks" - and that usually changes the focus from being on me to being on them, b/c everyone loves to chime in on their drinking habits ... mostly i tell the truth (i'm not drinking) and then another truth (i need to lose weight, it's like a challenge) and then i leave it there. no conversations about how long, why, what i've learned, i keep all that to myself. So far the ONLY person who knows the whole story of what's going on with me is my husband. everyone else in my life knows just a version of what i'm choosing to say. For now.