Friday, August 3, 2012

Day 3 - again

Like always on Day 3 I still feel pretty crappy - hot flashes, heart palpitations, inside shakiness, not quite clear in the head and pretty exhausted.

I am, however, trying to look at things a little differently this morning.  I have been reading Allen Carr's book and he makes a very interesting comparison between alcohol addiction and heroin addiction.  He basically says they are the same thing.  They are both a drug that the user chooses to put in their body despite knowing it is not good for them.  Heroin users have the same thought process, the same denial of addiction, the same false illusion of control that someone with an alcohol problem has.  The only difference is that alcohol is legal and 90% (he says) of the population chooses to use it.  Does that mean that alcohol is just a widely rationalized, accepted, often glorified form of drug addiction?  I am trying to wrap my brain around that fact that I may be no different than the typical heroin user it is just that I have been brought up to believe that somehow alcohol is different.  How exactly is it different?  It is still just a drug that my body/mind/soul craves when I can't have it.

In terms of comparing myself to others and that "I am not that bad", that is still very difficult for me bc I really am not as bad as the stereotypical "drunk".  I have not had a dui, lost a job, ruined my family, etc.  but, again, what is it going to take?  Why do I feel the need for something really bad to happen before I decide I have a problem?  Why would I do that?  It doesn't make any sense.  I was watching Taboo the other day and it was about alcoholics.  They were showing the skid row bum types that live on the street.  Although I can't ever see myself getting to that point - I am a very responsible, loving, compassionate mother, wife, daughter, sister and teacher... I could relate.  There was a tiny little part of me that somehow could see how someone could eventually get to the point of wanting to just drink without a care in the world, even if it did mean living on the streets.  I ABSOLUTELY do not want that for myself and am no where near that but if I can be completely honest with myself and even relate to that a little bit, that is a problem.  That has also been my father on and off for his whole life.

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