Sunday, January 19, 2014

1/19/14 (Sun) 3 glasses of wine

Yup, I had three glasses of wine last night.  I can't even explain why.  We went to dinner with my sister for my birthday and I just wanted to.  I didn't really think about it, I just did it.  Nothing crazy happened last night.  I was just a nice, enjoyable, relaxing night out.  Was home and in bed by 10:30 so feel OK today.  I did wake up at 1:30 with heart palpitations and night sweats.  I know that it was the alcohol.  Just doesn't seem like my body can tolerate it at all anymore.

I don't know what is next.  I sure do like the feeling of absing more than the feeling of drinking - I do know that.   I do know that I am going to keep posting my journey.  Usually, I just drop off the grid when I drink. I guess maybe I don't ever want to be accountable to the most important person in my life - me.

I will not/ can not spend the day beating myself up.  I've got a bunch of people coming over for the football game today.  My plan is to not drink.
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4 comments:

  1. UnknownJanuary 19, 2014 at 8:17 AM

    Go, Girl! It is a huge step forward NOT to drop out of sight when you have a glass or two of wine. I call that: You accepting yourself and your actions. Then you see clearly, and can make the right decisions for yourself. I am nearing completion of the first 100 days of abstinence. I'm not sure what role alcohol will have in my future life, but I do know that I will experiment. And I also know that this time without alcohol has begun to teach me that I do not absolutely need alcohol to survive. No kidding, I think I really thought I could not cope with my daily life without the respite of alcohol every evening.

    So keep it up! I will be watching your journey with interest and positive thinking for you discovering and keeping the best you!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownJanuary 19, 2014 at 12:27 PM

    I think it's really good that you're not going to beat yourself up over the 3 glasses. I agree with Carrie--experimenting and finding out what's best for you is the whole point of this process. I found it hard to talk about that because, when I was trying to drink a bit after 100 days away, the online community was coming down pretty hard on moderation. Trying to experiment with drinking again is often called "relapse." But I think figuring it our for yourself is important. Good luck with the day, and the football match!

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  3. ksusierJanuary 20, 2014 at 5:35 AM

    Thanks to both of you for your supporting words. It really meant a lot. I usually just feel guilty for breaking promises to myself and stop posting. This time I am going to post the good, the bad and the ugly - mostly so I have a record of it.

    ReplyDelete
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