Thursday, August 3, 2017

Blah...8/3/17 (Thurs)

I just feel kind of blah...

  1. 1.
    used to refer to something that is boring or without meaningful content.
    "talking all kinds of blah to him"
  2. 2.
    synonyms:the doldrums, low spirits, a blue funk, depression
    "looks like he's got a case of the blahs"
  1. 1.
    dull or unexciting.
    "his blah feeling"

Anxious about the new school year starting.
Sad my son is leaving for college.
Frustrated that I'm not feeling better.
Pissed that I am still not working out consistently.
Disappointed that I am going to have to go buy "fat" clothes bc nothing in my closet fits.
Pondering the use of mj (legal in my state) as a substitute for alcohol.
Bumbed out I didn't get anything accomplished this summer.
Kind of depressed I can never drink again - never get that buzzed, happy, giddy feeling
Miss the connection I have with my friends over a few drinks
Tired of pretending it is the same sober
Exhausted by feeling like I have to put on this show that everything is great and I love being sober

I don't know how to shake myself out of these feelings.  They worry me a little bc I can feel my resolve slipping (just a little - not enough to drink) but still....

Image result for feeling blah


  1. That's a lot...your son leaving, and starting a new school year.
    Just the school year would throw me into a state of panic until I got into my classroom and started getting it ready.
    And I get mad at myself for not working out more, too.
    Life is not easy, IMO, but I still find it is so much easier sober.
    I didn't feel better right took a longer time for me than some other people. (Partly because I had my cochlear implant at the same time.)

    1. i seems to be talking longer this time than it ever has in the past...patience.

  2. I avoid other drugs....I expect pot would make me hungry and give me anxiety. I don't need that!

    As for the rest, time. And maybe a recognition that you are doing a big thing. You are breaking away from and addiction that takes many lives every day.
    That's huge!

    So celebrate the win!

    Food, exercise, clothes. They are complicated. Find some things you like. Try a new exercise class. Embrace sober you as the real you and make that like enjoyable and intriguing.

    Do you have a therapist? I found one very usedgul in the beginning. Sometimes it's hard to see our own success.

    1. Thanks...I have been considering a therapist. It just seems counter intuitive to talk about all the things you don't want to think about.

  3. Hi KS - you were so miserable and so unhappy. Now you are unhappy but you are awake and thinking - well done x

    My advice for what it is worth:
    I would write down 1 year. Don't touch alcohol for 1 year. Period.
    If you get to the end of the year and still want to go back to how you were, then your head will be 100% clearer to make that decision.
    Then it will be a healthier decision - not a knee jerk one.

    Then you will be in control and not in control of alcohol.

    Set that date (not 6 months, one year)- what do you think? xxx

    1. I was already thinking for sure staying sober for one year. I hope after one year, I won't want to drink again....but one year seems less scary than forever.