Sunday, August 6, 2017

Sleep and another big accomplishment 8/6/17 (Sun)

Image result for i love sleep quotes tumblr

I have gotten two really good night's sleep and I feel a lot better.  I am sleeping until like 9:00 am which is a bit ridiculous but my body must need it.  Finally I am sleeping...

Last night we went out with some old friends from my college years - pretty hard party buddies back in the day.  I was really nervous about drinking, not drinking, having to explain myself, what would I say, etc.  Especially nervous as just them as it was just us four - not a group where I could blend in and not be as noticeable. I even had that evil little thought - maybe I will just have a beer - not really because I wanted one but just bc it seemed easier than than being uncomfortable.  That is pretty messed up bc in what reality would "just go ahead an have a beer to fit in" be easier than not having one???? The thought itself amazed me.

So we get to dinner and I purposely ordered my drink last bc I didn't want anyone, specifically my girlfriend, to not order a drink bc of me.  They all ordered a beer and I ordered a club soda. No one said a word!! I didn't see any side glances or confused looks on their faces (it wouldn't have surprised me as when we were younger I was the party girl  - pretty sure I drank all the girls under the table even I thought at the time everyone else was drinking just as much as me and getting just as drunk as I was).

The guys ordered one more. My girlfriend did not but that didn't surprise me.  The conversation was a little strained and uncomfortable once in awhile without my usual social lubricant but it was fine.  I tried to ask question and focus more on them instead of making the conversation all about me. We sat outside on a beautiful tree covered patio at out favorite Indian restaurant. It was a gorgeous evening. It even down poured but we were under a somewhat covered area. It was just beautiful. I thought that this would have just been overwhelmingly, sappy meaningful to me if I was buzzed. And then i thought, "It still is overwhelmingly, sappy, meaningful but in a completely conscious, aware, fully present way - that actually makes it more meaningful."  After dinner we gave each other hugs said goodbye and went home - like normal people. We didn't come back to our house and drink until late and then wake up with hangovers.  Instead I came back home, made some popcorn, poured myself an Italian soda (which is full of sugar but who cares), watched a couple episodes of Power, slept until 9:00 and feel great today.

Life is good :)


  1. Way to go!!
    I love being normal now! Well, if ever there was such a thing!
    But to wake up sober, no matter my mood, is better than drunk any day.

  2. That sounds lovely.
    Good thing you skipped the beer! Win!

  3. This post means much to me as such a short time ago I remember how I "notice" things so much more sober.

    I was always want to have the third drink and more so not drinking is actually easier and less stressful somehow.

    Congratulations to you for getting this far and feeling the effects of it x
    Michelle xx