Sleep and another big accomplishment 8/6/17 (Sun)

I have gotten two really good night's sleep and I feel a lot better.  I am sleeping until like 9:00 am which is a bit ridiculous but my body must need it.  Finally I am sleeping...

Last night we went out with some old friends from my college years - pretty hard party buddies back in the day.  I was really nervous about drinking, not drinking, having to explain myself, what would I say, etc.  Especially nervous as just them as it was just us four - not a group where I could blend in and not be as noticeable. I even had that evil little thought - maybe I will just have a beer - not really because I wanted one but just bc it seemed easier than than being uncomfortable.  That is pretty messed up bc in what reality would "just go ahead an have a beer to fit in" be easier than not having one???? The thought itself amazed me.

So we get to dinner and I purposely ordered my drink last bc I didn't want anyone, specifically my girlfriend, to not order a drink bc of me.  They all ordered a beer and I ordered a club soda. No one said a word!! I didn't see any side glances or confused looks on their faces (it wouldn't have surprised me as when we were younger I was the party girl  - pretty sure I drank all the girls under the table even I thought at the time everyone else was drinking just as much as me and getting just as drunk as I was).

The guys ordered one more. My girlfriend did not but that didn't surprise me.  The conversation was a little strained and uncomfortable once in awhile without my usual social lubricant but it was fine.  I tried to ask question and focus more on them instead of making the conversation all about me. We sat outside on a beautiful tree covered patio at out favorite Indian restaurant. It was a gorgeous evening. It even down poured but we were under a somewhat covered area. It was just beautiful. I thought that this would have just been overwhelmingly, sappy meaningful to me if I was buzzed. And then i thought, "It still is overwhelmingly, sappy, meaningful but in a completely conscious, aware, fully present way - that actually makes it more meaningful."  After dinner we gave each other hugs said goodbye and went home - like normal people. We didn't come back to our house and drink until late and then wake up with hangovers.  Instead I came back home, made some popcorn, poured myself an Italian soda (which is full of sugar but who cares), watched a couple episodes of Power, slept until 9:00 and feel great today.

Life is good :)