9/5/16 (Mon) when????????????????????????????

WHEN AM I GOING TO FIGURE OUT THAT MY LIFE IS NOT GOING TO GET SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER  UNTIL I GIVE UP THIS ONE THING THAT HAS POWER OVER ME????  WHEN WILL I REALIZE THAT I DON'T CONTROL IT - I HAVE TRIED FOR SO LONG AND HAVE WASTED THE LAST 10 YEARS OF MENTAL, EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL AND SPIRITUAL ENERGY TRYING TO PUT A COLLAR ON THIS BEAST OF MINE AND NICELY TAKE IT FOR A WALK.  BUT IT ALWAYS WINS - I CAN TAKE IT FOR  NICE WALK FOR DAYS, MAYBE EVEN WEEKS, SOMETIMES MONTHS BUT IT ALWAYS WINS. ALWAYS PULLS TOO HARD (LIKE A REALLY BIG DOG), I FALL AND IT DRAGS ME ON THE CONCRETE LEAVING ME SCRAPED UP, BRUISED, BLEEDING AND BROKEN.  THEN I GET BACK UP, FORGIVE IT AND DECIDE I AM STRONGER THAN THIS BEAST, ACTUALLY IN CONTROL AND TRY TO WALK IT AGAIN.  ALL ALONG IT IS ALWAYS STRONGER THAN ME - CAN JUST DECIDE WHENEVER IT WANTS TOO TO PULL TO HARD AND DRAG ME HELPLESSLY AROUND. I AM IN DENIAL WHEN I THINK I ACTUALLY HAVE ULTIMATE CONTROL. IT FOOLS ME INTO THINKING I HAVE THE CONTROL SO I DON'T LET GO.

WHEN WILL I JUST DROP THE LEASH AND SAY "YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE FOR DRAGGING ME AROUND! GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO ABUSE!"