Sunday, September 18, 2016
9/18/16 (Sun) Crying....again
On a positive note. I did have a long talk with my sister (who I drank with last night) and told her what I am going through. She just doesn't get it. She drank the same amount and felt fine today.
I told her I only had 3 glasses of wine and feel terrible today. She said, "Maybe you just need to figure out how to have one or two." I said, "Maybe I should quit drinking."
I told her about kindling and that's why I feel like total shit today. She said, "Maybe you should get a brain scan." I said, "Maybe I should quit drinking."
I told her about my mental obsession with alcohol. She said,"Maybe you should go talk to someone."I said, "Maybe I should quit drinking."
I know she doesn't want me to stop drinking bc I drink with her, but I can't let that keep me stuck in this misery. I have to do what is best for me. She will adjust or not, but I can't control that. Hopefully she heard some of what I was saying and understands the next time she comes over and I can't/won't drink with her.
She means well, she just doesn't understand. It is so hard to explain to someone that doesn't suffer from this addiction. It is like another entity that wants me to drink lives in my head. It isn't really me but it has so much power over my decisions and actions. I can say for 13 days that I don't want to drink and that I feel much better when I don't and then all it takes it my sister coming over and all of a sudden I am drinking wine. I just don't understand what happens to my resolve. I am so weak!
I am so tired of going through this over and over and over.
Maybe I should just stop drinking.....