Thursday, July 30, 2015

Neighborhood party....fail



Last night a new neighbor was having a party.  She invited just a few neighbors and some other friends.  Only one neighbor showed up and I felt bad for her so I decided to pop in for just a minute and leave.  Three glasses of wine and I am up this morning after only 4 hours of sleep.  So what happened? I got there and it was really socially uncomfortable.  I didn't know two of the girls and the conversation was awkward.  I couldn't wait to be offered a glass of wine.  After the first glass, it got easier and more relaxed.  No big deal, why can't I just stop at that one or maybe two?  Why do I then have this "need" to continue filling my glass - even going so far as to try to keep the conversation/party going so I can continue to drink even when I initially didn't want to drink last night?  Why do I then get home and then crack open a beer?  I'm not at the party, I should be going to bed, I don't need anymore to drink, but I do it anyway.  For me sometimes, it isn't always about how much I drink, but why I continue to drink when I should be done.  I have the naltrexone but I am supposed to take it 1 hour before drinking.  I made the decision to go 10 minutes before I left.  If I drink Friday, I will for sure take the naltrexone and then wait 1 hour.  If nothing else, it will delay me by an hour and then I may not even feel like drinking anymore anyway.  We will see.

2 comments:

  1. I don't know about you but that need for 'more, more, more' was my addiction talking. I can't do one and trying to manage that shit was just too exhausting for words.

    Peace...I can do peace and that's about it.

    Good luck with your journey.

    Sherry

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  2. The compulsion to drink, drinking even when you plan not to, more than you want to. That's all addictive behaviour.
    I feel for you. I was stuck in that merry go round for too long.
    The only way to stop it is to step off.

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