Thursday, July 30, 2015

7/30/15 (Thurs) - Neighborhood

Last night a new neighbor was having a party (on a Wednesday??).  She invited just a few neighbors and some other friends.  Only one neighbor showed up and I felt bad for her so I decided to pop in for just a minute and leave.  Three glasses of wine and I am up this morning after only 4 hours of sleep.  So what happened? I got there and it was really socially uncomfortable.  I didn't know two of the girls and the conversation was awkward.  I couldn't wait to be offered a glass of wine.  After the first glass, it got easier and more relaxed.  No big deal, why can't I just stop at that one or maybe two?  Why do I then have this "need" to continue filling my glass - even going so far as to try to keep the conversation/party going so I can continue to drink even when I initially didn't want to drink last night?  Why do I then get home and then crack open a beer?  I'm not at the party, I should be going to bed, I don't need anymore to drink, but I do it anyway.  For me sometimes, it isn't always about how much I drink, but why I continue to drink when I should be done.  I have the naltrexone but I am supposed to take it 1 hour before drinking.  I made the decision to go 10 minutes before I left.  If I drink Friday, I will for sure take the naltrexone and then wait 1 hour.  If nothing else, it will delay me by an hour and then I may not even feel like drinking anymore anyway.  We will see.


  1. I don't know about you but that need for 'more, more, more' was my addiction talking. I can't do one and trying to manage that shit was just too exhausting for words.

    Peace...I can do peace and that's about it.

    Good luck with your journey.


  2. The compulsion to drink, drinking even when you plan not to, more than you want to. That's all addictive behaviour.
    I feel for you. I was stuck in that merry go round for too long.
    The only way to stop it is to step off.