Thursday, July 23, 2015
7/23/15 (Thurs) - Just don't drink - worry about the rest later
I wanted to respond to a comment Anne Ainsobriety made to one of my previous posts. She ? suggested to only worry about not drinking right now, that everything else will fall into place once that is taken care of. I 100% agree with that statement and appreciate the time she took to write me a response. However, I tried it that way and it didn't last for me. I have stopped my weekend binging many times for a couple weeks, but three times that were a significant amount of time, the longest being 8 months. I did just stop drinking and didn't care about anything else. I allowed myself to recover - I ate what I wanted, didn't exercise and I slept A LOT! I also didn't socialize much because I either didn't want to deal with a bunch drinking people or I wanted to drink so bad it was just easier to stay home. While I did not drink and I lost 10 pounds, it wasn't enough to keep me sober. I can't say I wasn't happy. I was so much happier and at peace without dealing with all the drinking bullshit, but I still don't think I was physically, mentally, socially strong enough to resist in the end. I think that I do need to focus on all of it. I need to look at it more as a lifestyle change - one in which I am improving all areas of my self. I am going to try not to be too hard on myself in any of the areas except the drinking, but I am also not going to just ignore all other areas. I think I get a little depressed when I do that. When I quit smoking (after 5 years of trying) I had to do it all. I had to choose to be the healthiest person I could be and that included not smoking. Ironically, the only area I let slide at that time (about 20 years ago) was the binge drinking on the weekends. I told myself that it was the only thing I was doing that was unhealthy. Back then I could just brush off the hangovers and keep going. They didn't impact the rest of my goals. Now, the hangovers sabotage every other goal in my life. I may only drink on Friday and Saturday (with a total of maybe 6-8 drinks) but it is enough to make me anxious, depressed, tired, irritable for 3-4 days. That is a lot of wasted days in my life that I am no longer willing to give up.