Thursday, July 23, 2015

7/23/15 (Thurs) - Just don't drink - worry about the rest later

I wanted to respond to a comment Anne Ainsobriety made to one of my previous posts.  She ? suggested to only worry about not drinking right now, that everything else will fall into place once that is taken care of.  I 100% agree with that statement and appreciate the time she took to write me a response. However, I tried it that way and it didn't last for me.  I have stopped my weekend binging many times for a couple weeks, but three times that were a significant amount of time, the longest being 8 months.  I did just stop drinking and didn't care about anything else.  I allowed myself to recover - I ate what I wanted, didn't exercise and I slept  A LOT!  I also didn't socialize much because I either didn't want to deal with a bunch drinking people or I wanted to drink so bad it was just easier to stay home.  While I did not drink and I lost 10 pounds, it wasn't enough to keep me sober.  I can't say I wasn't happy. I was so much happier and at peace without dealing with all the drinking bullshit, but I still don't think I was physically, mentally, socially strong enough to resist in the end.  I think that I do need to focus on all of it.  I need to look at it more as a lifestyle change - one in which I am improving all areas of my self.  I am going to try not to be too hard on myself in any of the areas except the drinking, but I am also not going to just ignore all other areas.  I think I get a little depressed when I do that.  When I quit smoking (after 5 years of trying) I had to do it all.  I had to choose to be the healthiest person I could be and that included not smoking.  Ironically, the only area I let slide at that time (about 20 years ago) was the binge drinking on the weekends.  I told myself that it was the only thing I was doing that was unhealthy.  Back then I could just brush off the hangovers and keep going. They didn't impact the rest of my goals.  Now, the hangovers sabotage every other goal in my life.  I may only drink on Friday and Saturday (with a total of maybe 6-8 drinks) but it is enough to make me anxious, depressed, tired, irritable for 3-4 days.  That is a lot of wasted days in my life that I am no longer willing to give up.

1 comment:

  1. Hi there! Yes, she. Lol
    I don't mean to not do anything foreve, but I do think that for the first while focusing on not drinking is the most important.
    So, if not hungover you feel like exercising, DO. I also was an avid exerciser while drinking, and I continued it into sobriety. I added and then fell in love with yoga. Which I never would have before because it was not "hard enough". Silly me.

    So I guess what I am encouraging is to make not drinking number one, and allow yourself to then do what feels good for your body. Eat nutritious food, if you like that, but perhaps an ice cream or a chocolate bar will be required on a down day. That's ok. Better treats than wine.

    I had to let go of the rules. Rules are a form of control and I have conceded that trying to control the world was part of my underlying problem.

    Have you gone to AA? You might hear you own story over and over again. I know yours is very similar to mine. Weekend drinking, week day anxiety and regret.

    I tried things using my personal rules. It worked for a while. Then I had to be open minded and accept my way had gotten me where I was. Unpickled helped me see that. I've written about it some on my blog..
    ainsobriety | Trying to ace sober living

    Not drinking helps clear the blinders that even a little drinking keep on.