12/26/20 Past, Present and Future

 

I saw this quote this morning and it really spoke to me.  I AM SO BAD IN THIS AREA. I am getting better at not replaying scenarios from the past. Quitting drinking has really helped with this. Being sober has helped my anxiety immensely in this area. I still get sad about things, like selling my home of 23 years but I try to put it into perspective and know that I spent a great deal of energy and time last summer making sure it is what was best in the long run. I made the decision from a rational mind, did it, and need to move on.  It is also helpful that I don't regret my behavior anymore. Being sober has allowed me to be 100% present in the moment and in control of the things I say and how I act. Plus I am way less sensitive which helps.

The part that is still hard for me is not having to control the future. In my perfect world, my daughter and son both start families and live close to us. My immediate family has always been super close. I LOVE having my kids around and am heartbroken that my daughter currently lives in Alaska. My son is getting close to graduating college and I am not sure where he will end up. I so badly want us to live close to each other. I am trying so hard to make this happen....even to the point of selling my house so we can move closer to Alaska so that maybe my daughter would move and her husband would be closer to his family. This is what she wants but it isn't just up to her. My son also likes the Pacific Northwest so that is another plus to moving in that area but who knows where he will end up.  All of this gives me a lot of anxiety. I can no longer control where my kids live and how much time we spend together. As much as I try...it is not in my control...which drives me crazy.

We are in Alaska right now visiting my daughter. I need to remain in the present moment. Enjoy this time with her. Not worry about if they are moving. Not trying to figure out where they would move to if they did move. My worrying about it does cause stress between her and her husband bc it is a touchy subject for them. I know she has to live her life and make her own decisions. With everyone else in my life, I am getting better about this. Just be the best person I can be in the moment and not worry about anyone else's opinions or decisions. I just can't seem to get there with my kids. I am so scared it won't turn out the way I want it to.

I need to just believe things will work out the way they are supposed to and just enjoy today. Maybe this will be by New Year's Resolution....to stop worrying and trying to control the future....to enjoy the present moment and just believe everything will work out the way it should.