Depression

Thanks for the comments on my last post.  Cleo asked a great question that I want to ask to anyone who has some experience on the subject.  Am I depressed?  Absolutely, positively YES!  Am I getting little panic/anxiety attacks that are accompanied by hot flashes and an extreme sense of worry and fear?  Yes.  Am I losing sleep because of it? Yes.  Do I seem to to be having problems with many people in my life because I am being over sensitive and just an emotional mess is general? Yes.  Do I feel like I am just going through the motions of life, trying to get through the day, go to the gym, get my work done, make dinner, etc. but still have this sense of - what's the point? Yes.  Have I begun to wonder what the point of being a 44 year old woman even is? Yes. Have I lost my joy, my sense of purpose, my drive, my motivation? Yes. Have I maybe spent to much time looking at what is wrong with everyone else and not enough time looking at what I am doing to cause the problem? Yes. Have I become overbearing, micro managing, controlling and unreasonable? Yes. Could this be a sort of mid life breakdown? IDK. Does alcohol increase these problems?  Absolutely yes!

Here's the question...a chicken or the egg kind of thing...could I be depressed and I am using alcohol to self medicate.  When I drink I forget about my worries, am able to relax and have a good time.

or....Is the alcohol depressing me and I will just snap out of it if I stop drinking?

Should I...stop drinking first and then see how I feel?  Maybe the alcohol is making me depressed, anxious, purposeless.    (Remember I pretty much just drink on the weekends and have maybe 2-6 on a Friday and Saturday, but have been fighting this mental obsession with alcohol for years).

Should I start taking my anti depressants again and quit - Maybe it will make it easier to quit - address the underlying problem.

I wondered this same thing a couple of years ago and got a prescription for prozac.  I have no idea is it worked because the trick to to stop drinking.  I was still drinking on the weekends and the combination of an anti depressant and a depressant (alcohol) was a disaster.  I think it was the only time I was actually blacking out..I would go 0 to 60 in an hour and not know what hit me...so I stopped the anti depressants.  I know I can't do both.

I would appreciate any thoughts, opinions or personal experiences.  I am really at a loss right now.  However, I am coming to the realization that drinking is not helping anything.  That sense of relaxation,  fun, loss of worries that I get from drinking comes with any awfully big price.