6/17/12 (Sun) And yet again

I drank too much again last  night.  I only had 4, but that is too much for me these days.  I know that all of you out there saw this coming from a mile away, but I am slipping back into my old patterns again.  I am seriously contemplating permanents abs again.  I just have to figure out how to get my mind to wrap itself around being able to find happiness in never drinking again.

6/16/12 (Sat) Struggling - Life Sucks

So here we are .... I feel like crap, sad, depressed, shaky, defeated, sorrowful....

I just got back from a student trip to the east coast.  It was amazing.  I loved every minute of it.  It might be the first "vacation" I have taken without drinking.  It was amazing to wake up every morning at 6 am, ready to start the day instead of being tired, spacey, yucky feeling.  I was good.  I hadn't drank in like 12 days or something.

Then I had 2 on Thursday and 4 last night.  I was back to my old self of dominating the conversation, drinking quickly, not caring ....

Today I am paying the price - emotionally, physically, spiritually - I think I may need to look at absing again.....  Life sucks - with alcohol and without alcohol!

6/6/12 (Tues) Flabbergasted dd behavior

Ok, I am just going to vent here.  My 17 yd is in so much trouble right now.  I just found out that she has been sneaking around, drinking (including vodka shots), and lying to my face about it.  She is, needless to say so grounded, but I am also using the opportunity to talk to her about why she has been drinking and it scares the hell out of me.  She says that if she stays out too late (bc she is having a sleepover at a friends house and therefore is not abiding by her curfew) she gets tired and bored and drinks to have fun longer - that is so me!  She also says she drinks to feel more confident in social situations - so her dad!  I am so scared for her - not only the drinking and driving and the getting in trouble with the police but also that she is beginning her life long battle with alcohol that I have had to deal with.

Anyway, she has this best friend who is very controlling over her - the jealous, can't be left out, doesn't want any boyfriends around - type of friend who doesn't get into trouble for anything ever.  Her mom knows she drinks (says she is just choosing to not have her head in the sand and they are 17 - what do you think the are doing?)  Her friend has a curfew, but the parents go to bed, she gets home at 3 AM but is never asked what time she got home.  My daughter has been getting in a lot of trouble since hanging out with this girl (for about the past year).  The friend has no regard for whether my dd will get in trouble bc she never does.  I told my dd she needed to find some new friend.

I do not and will not condone underage drinking.  I think is it illegal, irresponsible and dangerous and frankly reckless parenting to know it is going on and do nothing.  I called this mom just as a mom to mom thing trying to say, "I just want you to know our dd have been up to."

I was totally attacked!  She told me that the reason my dd lies to me is bc I am too controlling. She said, "How dare I tell my dd that she can't be friends with her dd!  She said that out parenting styles are obviously very different and that I obviously don't have the relationship with my dd that she has with her dd bc my dd can't talk to me about the drinking bc I wouldn't approve."  I, btw, thought that I had a pretty amazing relationship with my dd until yesterday.

Thoughts?