Celebrations
I went out last night to a brewery bc a friend of mine was playing (in a band) and I didn't drink. They had kombucha which was awesome bc it looked a bit like a beer, was in a beer glass, tasted good and was good for me. I always feel a bit self conscious while sitting at a brewery drinking water, so it was nice to sit there, listen to the music and be drinking something other than water.
I finally got a good night sleep...slept for 9 hours on Friday night! Sleep is amazing. My sleep will not improve if I drink.
I feel a little less bloated. I haven't lost any weight but my pants don't feel quite as tight. My eyes look a little less baggy in the morning.
I really am enjoying being clear headed all the time. Having a buzz somehow takes away from the "realness" of the moment. I am definitely noticing the deep satisfaction of being fully present at all times.
I made it through a "close call" on Thursday. The more of those I am successful with, the more self confidence I will have.
Struggles
I am concerned about my birthday next Saturday. My addicted brain keeps telling me that it is ok to drink just on my bday. It is my 50th bday for crying out loud. Make an exception. I know that I will be so super proud of myself if I don't, but I know I am going to want to. The thought just keeps creeping in when I'm not paying attention. My sister scheduled a spa day for us, I'm sure with beverages available. Then we are going out to dinner at one of my favorite places, with wine. And...now my neighbor told me about the band (her son's) playing at a great hotel in Boulder on Friday night. She said, "We should go for your bday! It would be fun. You can drink on your birthday, can't you?" So I'm pretty nervous about next weekend. I know that if I can make it through my 50th bday without drinking - it will give me a ton of confidence and I will feel like I can get through anything. I also know that my addicted brain will be telling me that drinking won't count as a failure bc it is a very special occasion and deserves an exception. That drinking just next weekend doesn't really constitute a failure bc of the big deal bday. I will just get back to sobriety after. How do I shut that voice up? What do you say to yourself to make that voice go away?
You can drown that voice out with another voice: the Truth: that you deserve a wonderful healthy sober 50th birthday, happy and confident in the decision you have made not to drink. You also deserve the support and understanding of your friends and family. If you have chosen not to tell them about your decision to stay alcohol free, it is still none of their business if you decline the invitation to drink alcohol! (Just tell them you are on a cleanse or something). Plan ahead what you are going to drink instead at these events. Visualize how great it will be to be alcohol free. Remind yourself how crappy it feels after you drink. And think how great it will be to come back here and tell us about your happy, clear-headed 50th birthday! Here's to many more.
ReplyDeleteNot drinking on your birthday will help reinforce your decision. You told your daughter your were doing this. Sober means not drinking, no matter what.
ReplyDeleteThere will always be a reason to drink when the addiction is running the show. Something good, bad or just boring will happen.
This is your life. Think hard about how you would like 50 to be. Maybe go back and read how you wanted 49 or 48 or even 45 to be. Your blog is a great record of how thing go.
It’s your chance to make this your year for you.
Hugs
Anne
We are conditioned to think that drinking is a "reward" something we do to celebrate. But play out in your mind what having a drink means for you. It doesn't mean one drink you enjoy and drink with relish. It means many drinks, a loss of control and the inability to truly connect with others. The reality of drinking when we drink too much (even when we don't and fight it off the mental energy is awful) is a burden and just choosing not to is so reaffirming. Think about what you gain by not drinking. What a wonderful way to spend your 50th birthday.
ReplyDeleteYes to the great advice above. You need to hold yourself accountable. To keep your word.
ReplyDeleteYou will SO proud of yourself if you keep your word.
xo
Wendy