Well last week was a disaster. I definitely did not live to my potential. I got hardly anything done and was on an emotional roller coaster all week (either excited to drink, hyper/hiding drinking or depressed and crying). Disappointed that I am starting all over again but also relieved that I have once again come to this decision to be the best person I can be...to myself and everyone around me. I can not be the best version of myself while I am drinking. I think it really has started to negatively effect my relationships. I think I would have to not only check that box now (in the "do you have a drinking problem" questionnaire) but also the box that asks if you ever sneak drinks, hiding the evidence. I think I would also finally also have to check the box that asks, "Has your life become unmanageable?" I would definitely need to say that yes. Emotionally, my life was unmanageable this past week. This past Thanksgiving was my emotional rock bottom. Time to pull myself out of my this hole I dug for myself, work out, eat healthy, read self-help books, go to bed early, drink water, and once again learn to find happiness in sobriety.
I hope you find some support.
ReplyDeleteI know you know in your mind what you want, but it is very hard for the same mind that drinks to accept the idea of being sober.
There are many resources. It sounds like your husband and kids are supportive.
Can you make you House alcohol free? Completely?
It might be a boundary you put up for yourself that proves to you that you are worth the hard with overcoming addiction is.
Hugs.
Anne
I can not make the house alcohol free - my dh works for a major beer company, gets a lot free and then supplements with his snobby beer. You should see my basement! For me it isn't about having it around...it is about not wanting it. I know not having it around would make it more difficult to pound a couple in the garage but I also don't think it is fair to impose that on dh.
DeleteReally? Have you asked him?
DeleteIf he works for a beer company he must hear about addiction. It sounds like he sees you are struggling. Why wouldn’t he forgo this for a while to help you.
If it was as simple as not wanting it no one would go to inpatient treatment centres or AA. No one would die drinking. No one would choose alcohol over their health, family or work.
But people do it all the time. In hindsight I was probably on my way there. I often was hungover on Monday. I wasn’t working to my potential and I expect I would have blown over our 0.05 limit. The scary truth.
It’s worth considering how you want life to be. If it’s all about deprivation, willpower and suffering it is not going to last very long...or be very fun.
You might be surprised at how supportive your family really is. They love you. They don’t want to see you suffer,
Anyway, just one opinion...I know you will find a solution.
Anne
I hear what you are saying but I don't look at it that way. I am the one with the problem. I need to figure out how not to drink no matter what is around me. I'm not sure it is fair to ask people to change their lives because I am dealing with this. My dh is supportive...he loves me no matter what I do. He likes is better when I don't drink and reminds me of that often, but he doesn't make me feel terrible and supports me in my journey.
DeleteI am with Anne. I tried to stop without support, and I didn't have success until I had some real life help.
ReplyDeleteI know I was a yet. I never had a DUI yet...I didn't get divorced yet.
But I knew those things were going to happen if I continued drinking.
Another hug.
xo
Wendy
I totally get the "not yet". Up until recently I could have said that about sneaking drinks and it having an effect on my relationships.
DeleteSupport support support! We all need it so badly - I couldn't go to AA as there was nothing in the day around my area and I have kids. Also small town and knew everyone.
ReplyDeleteI joined Smart Recovery and went to on-line meetings. Wow I couldn't believe the people - some were just like me.
They also have a 2 hour chat line and always have a drug and alcohol person on most if not all times.
M xxxx
Long time non-commenting reader here…breaking my silence. First, consider joining the Booze Free Brigade, the Yahoo group and/or the affiliated Facebook group. It offers immediate attention and support from peers who have been exactly where you are. Second, thank you for your honesty in sharing your struggles. You have helped me and many others you may never hear from. Blogs like yours and the experiences shared in the BFB have been instrumental in building and maintaining my own sobriety. In person support is probably the best for most, but everyone is different and for me these worked. We all find our own way and there are many paths.
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting. I really keep my blog as a personal record so I can look back at how insane all of it is, but I won't lie, I do like the support I get here as well. Isn't is so strange how we all think the exact same way.
DeleteThe Bfb is good support. I used to be part of it.
DeleteWe do all think the same. That is why we all feel so deeply for you. You are trapped in hell and the alternative is so awesome, but scary.
Hugs
I am part of the BFB group on Facebook and I think you could get a lot out of it. If you need support there are amazing people who are there for you right away. No meetings just support. Please give it a try.
ReplyDelete