Off the crazy train! 10/30/17

After doing nothing yesterday and wasting a gorgeous day, I do feel better. I feel ready to take on my day and not let this weekend screw up keep me down.  I actually feel a little proud of myself for not beating myself up a ton and moving on.  I am also glad that ultimately I know I am a better person and happier with myself when I don't drink.  Those couple of hours of drinking can bring some relief of boredom, anxiety, depression, lethargy but is then followed by insomnia, headaches, regret,  laziness, anxiety and depression. I know that the only way to get past the anxiety and just feeling blah and down is to stop soaking my brains in alcohol.  This would not even be a question if someone were sitting here writing the same thing about heroine.  It would be like - duh, dumbshit - stop taking the drugs - are you stupid? I just hate how much social pressure (self imposed) I feel around alcohol. I just feel awkward and out of place when everyone else is drinking. I also hate how alcohol really does temporarily make me feel better.  I think this weekend really made it clear that I use alcohol to self medicate. I really did know that drinking right in that moment would relieve my feelings of feeling down in the dumps and it didn't matter the way I would feel the next day (physically or mentally because I drank). I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it right then.  It is pretty scary to look at it as a drug addiction.  That is exactly what it is - just bc it is alcohol doesn't make it any different than being addicted to pain pills, cocaine, heroine, etc. 

I am happy, once again, to be off the crazy train!

This is how my addicted/drinking brain feels!  Crazy..