I have felt terrible this weekend. I am not sleeping well at all, having terrible anxiety, can't seem to feel happy doing anything and am depressed. I even stayed home from school today bc I feel extreme internal anxiety and only got 2 hours of sleep last night.
Saturday I woke up (after not sleeping well) and just felt down, sad and depressed for no apparent reason. We went out to dinner and I just stared longingly at all the people sipping on their wine glasses not caring about how long the food was taking. I miss just the release of stress that drinking brings. It was not enjoyable at all.
It's like I don't get any relief anymore. Drinking allowed me to let go, it relieved my anxiety for a bit. It was just kind of like....ahhhhh.....relaxation. I know it caused way more anxiety than it actually relieved and I remember these same feelings when I quit smoking.
Yesterday was a bit better bc I tried to stay busy. Today I woke up feeling like I am in the middle of one of a 3 day hangover - my who insides are shaking with anxiety - felt like crying and yelling and not getting out of bed.
From past research I'm pretty sure I am experiencing PAWS. I just want it to go away. I don't want to drink but I can certainly see why this way of feeling would cause a person to drink. It would just provide some relief. I do realize that my symptoms are my brain freaking out without alcohol and it is my addiction trying to get me to drink. I realize that drinking will not solve anything but these feelings are awful.
How long will it last???
I am not sure how long it lasts.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that it happened to me, but I do feel way less anxious now after several years sober.
Hugs.
xo
Wendy
I’m sorry. Anxiety is terrible.
ReplyDeletePaws lasts a long time. But even more, when I stopped drinking my anxiety got worse because I stopped self medicating.
Gababutylic acid (from the pharmacy) can really help. As does magnesium.
Big ug to you
Anne
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I love the sober blogosphere but there is a lot of emphasis on the positive, which can make it seem like you are failing when your mood disorders appear to worsen after quitting. I myself spiraled into a depression of epic proportions after quitting, the likes of which I had not battled in 2 decades. I stopped drinking, which should have felt like an accomplishment, but I removed my only coping mechanism. I had forgotten who the original enemy was and I had no defenses. So I have reset my expectations; recovery will take longer that I hoped, it will take years. That sucks, but 3 months of sobriety cannot fix 30 years of drinking. I have to accept that and keep moving forward. Yes, some people will have energy and hope and pink clouds and weight loss and relentless fucking annoying optimism from Day 1, but just because I dont' doesn't mean I'm doing it wrong or that sobriety is not the way to go. Hang in there, I will try and do the same.
ReplyDeleteMe too!
DeleteI try to write about that experience, as well as my continued struggles with anxiety and happiness in sobriety.
It’s true. For some people (me) alcohol was both killing me and helping me cope.
You can find me at ainsobriety.wordpress.com
Yes to what Anne said!!!
Deletexoxo