Saturday, February 11, 2012
Still waiting.....
For all of you abstainers out there, when did you start feeling better? I will be at day 50!!!! tomorrow. It really has gone by pretty fast. I have only had one major craving and a couple of small ones. I have made some huge accomplishments in terms of telling people, getting it out in the open, letting the secret out. I do feel better about myself, but I still fell like crap! I have no motivation at all. I think I have gained 10 pound (I only weigh 130 so now my pants don't fit), I feel sluggish, tired, lazy, headachy, grumpy, exhausted, kind of melancholy and just flat out BORED! I know I should get up off the couch and do something. I know it would make me feel better. I still have plenty of energy at work (kind of hard to fake it with 35 - 11 year olds), but when I get home I am just plain dead. Last night I didn't even have the energy to eat dinner. Dd and I were going to go get a movie but I just was too lazy/tired. This is so not like me. When will I get that, "I have never felt better in my life" feeling you all are talking about? That little devil on my shoulder is starting to say, "Why bother, you felt better when you were drinking." I am reaching out so I can tell him to SHUT UP!
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Ah, the elusive pink cloud. Hope one comes along for you soon! You are just adjusting I think. Hang on, hang in there and things will improve. A sober life (I find) is spent patiently waiting for moods/feelings/emotions to pass, and they do. I promise you this will pass. And you have to keep going because things weren't better when you were drinking, were they? If things were great while you were drinking you wouldn't be trying to not drink any more, would you? Don't let your inner addict try to convince you into thinking you were wasn't that bad. You've done some great work so far, keep it up! Stay strong, be kind to yourself and take care. Sending love xxx
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