Snow Day!

Woop! Woop!

I can get my report cards done before the weekend!

Used to be - Sweet! Let's see if I can get a partay started today.  Maybe we can have some hot cocoa and peppermint schnapps and take the kids to the sledding hill this afternoon.  How pathetic is that! I just used to use EVERYTHING as an excuse to drink.

Now, I am up early and ready to bang out those report cards so I can take nap this afternoon. Yeah, I know that sounds like a riveting day :)   A little less exciting but a lot more calming!

2/25/15 (Wed)The buzz AKA hyper!!! party!!! yeah!!! Me while drinking

For some reason, this time, I really am not having as hard a time not drinking.  I am still having the intense feelings of dread about never being able to drink again and once in awhile having a pretty intense craving, but it doesn't seem as hard. I was thinking about why that is - what is different. This time I have a new feeling - something I haven't felt before.  I really do not want the buzz in my head that you get when drinking.

When I am drinking I feel kinda revved up, not able to calm down and focus on anything. It does make me feel happy, excited, energetic. I feel like I am the most popular person in the world when I drink. I feel like everyone loves me and wants me to be around. I feel like I am the life of the party.  Some of that is probably true, I can be pretty fun, if I do say so myself, but I also have quite an inflated ego when I drink.  While I am drinking, there really isn't any sense of calm.  I am either floating (bouncing) around the room, cooking, or out doing something all while incessantly talking. I don't know how many times my dh has gotten upset at me for talking through a movie at the movie theater after I have been drinking.  I just CAN'T slow down or stop talking when I drink.  I think I might have been annoying?

I am also not a very good listener when I drink.  I do appear to be listening, but my brain isn't really caring about what you have to say.  I feel like I care in the moment, but it is just the surface sense of caring.  You probably really think that I am listening and interested (for about 10 minutes until I have to get up and find the next conversation), but I am not really that focused and some of it I don't even remember the next day. It really is all about me.

When I drink, I don't want to stop or slow down or have the party end. When I slow down I get tired and I don't want the fun to stop by getting tired.  I also don't want anyone else to get tired, so I would always make sure they had a drink.  I was the ultimate hostess!

I was also the one in high school at midnight that was yelling, "Let's go get some crazy bread from Little Ceasars, find a park and go swinging!!  Come on!! It will be so fun!!  I loved bars in my 20s - dance clubs - it was full of really fun people who were also moving, talking and didn't want to slow down. My friends were ALWAYS ready to leave before I was.

One time some neighbors, my dh and I went downtown to dinner and a comedy club.  We got back around 12:30 and we were all pretty buzzed.  I was having such a good time that I invited (begged) everyone to come to my house.  I made plate after plate of nachos and kept the drinks coming.  We were all in our 30s/40s and we stayed up until 4:00 am!  How stupid!  We all felt so bad the next day and it really was my fault because I didn't want to stop partying.  I can be very convincing.

I have to say that I am kinda tired of that.  I'm not just tired of the late nights, the hangovers, the depression, anxiety, etc,, this time I can really say I am tired of the buzzed, fuzzy head I get from drinking.  That hyperness that comes with drinking. I really don;t understand all the reasons I drank., but I know it took a lot of energy. It just all seemed so exhausting!  I am exhausted just typing it all. All I know is that right now I am enjoying a clear head and a calmer life.

Living life authentically

“As this New Year begins, I focus on my life--where I have been and where I see myself going.  I review my accomplishments and mistakes with honesty.  What am I most proud of?  What do I want to change and how?  I begin by accepting my current circumstances honestly.  Each New Year brings unlimited possibilities to write a new story.  I am true to myself and focus on what is really important.  From this awareness, I create an authentic life that reflects who I really am.  I am unique and my life is unique.  I am creator, director, and writer of my story, and I direct it in a way that brings the greatest joy for myself and others.  As I live authentically, I enjoy a life of well-being and love.” -Unity Daily Word (January/February 2015)

Am I a drifter?

I am trying to make a decision about switching grade levels at my school.  I sooooo struggle with decision making.  I just do not know which is the correct decision to make.  I am always so afraid that I will regret the choice I make.  I am just lamenting and stuck about which one to choose. I could stay in my grade level, which  I know like the back of my hand, or I can change to 6th grade which would be challenging but invigorating.

I found an excellent video about making hard choices that I am going to watch a few more times. The speaker says that instead of looking for reason "out there", we need to look for reasons inside ourselves.  That we need to make a decision and stand behind that - to let that it be what we stand for. Be completely behind the choice, stop wondering if it was right or not and let it be who we are - what we stand for.  People who don't exercise their power in making hard choices are drifters. They allow the the world to make their choices through rewards and punishment, pats on the head, fear, the easiness of an option   - to determine what they do. Hard choices are special opportunities for us to define or redefine ourselves.

Am I a drifter? What can I stand for?

http://www.ted.com/talks/ruth_chang_how_to_make_hard_choices

As I was typing, thinking about my choices at school, it also occurred to me that it could be relevant when in comes to my drinking.  That is certainly a hard (maybe the hardest) choice of all for me.  Can I really stand behind living without alcohol? Can it be what I get behind and be who I am rather than second guessing my decision all the time?  Am I being a drifter that is letting the outside world (what people will think, fitting in, the immediate reward of the high I get when I drink) control my decisions?  I do see this little, teeny, tiny piece of my brain being a person that stands for sobriety, that redefines sobriety for the people around me, that can be a ray of sunshine in this highly rationalizing addicted world.  Sometimes I wish the world would help me make this decision, that I wouldn't be in the driver's seat, as the second video talks about. I know it sounds terrible, but if I were diagnosed with some disease (not terminal of course) but just something I could tell people as a reason why I don't drink, it would be easier.  They would say, "Oh yea, I get it."  Why do I need that? Why do I need outside validation?

In my job decision I had just wished my principal would have made the decision for me, or my current teammate had pissed me off with all the negativity one more time or that a member of the new team would have really expressed a desire for me to join them. Just one little outside piece of validation to help me make the hard decision. Why do I need that? Why can't I just make a decision and have the power to stand behind it?  I just need to stop being so wishy-washy.

Am I a drifter? What can I stand for?

http://www.ted.com/talks/baba_shiv_sometimes_it_s_good_to_give_up_the_driver_s_seat#t-10264

IDK - maybe letting go of the driver's seat meas, "Let go...Let God"?

The following is for my own thought process - probably boring - just needed to write it down:

Pros and cons

Stay in 5th - least risky option but run the risk of boredom and dissatisfaction

I KNOW the curriculum - I have been in 5th for 10 years
I wouldn't need to learn a knew curriculum - it is A LOT of work
I have a lot of control - I have had a lot of input as to what we do
There are some interpersonal relationships in my current team - not bad and not all the time - my                  teammates just don't seem to like teaching anymore and it brings me down sometimes
I have job security on this team
If I don't move now, I might be in 5th for a long time
I like 5th graders (age)
It would be easier to stay put

Move to 6th - more risky option but I like change and challenge

I am getting a little bored with the curriculum - I have been in 5th grade for 10 years
I get excited to learn something new, do something different
I would need to "give up the driver's seat" (see the TED talk below) as being part of a new team, you
     have to sit back and fit in the first year - you can't go in trying to change things - it's annoying
I think i would enjoy teaching with this team, but the answer is unknown
Less job security (in this grade level) as I have less seniority on this team
The opportunity has arisen for me to move, and may not come again for a long time
I have taught 6th grade before and know I like the kids (age)

Any suggestions?  From looking from the outside in - can you tell which one I should do?  There I go again looking for outside validation?  Arghhhhh!

You buy the first round

Yesterday I decided I might switch grade levels.  I have been at the same grade for 9 years. Every 5-10 years I tend to switch either grade levels, schools or classrooms.  I think i just get bored after awhile and need a new challenge.  It is a big deal to consider since it would just be easier to stay put - I already know the curriculum. Switching (up a grade) does not make me nervous in any way except having to learn the curriculum for that grade.  I need to make a decision by tomorrow, so it has been taking up a lot of my "brain space".

Anyway, when I went to talk to the potential team I would be joining, they said they would be happy for me to join them.  They also said, "You buy the first round."  Whoa! That his me like a ton of bricks!  That one statement sent me way back.  I have only been out drinking with this team maybe 5 times in the past 10 years when there has been an school social event, but that comment shook me to the core.  I think it is the desperate need to feel like I belong, like I fit in, like people want me around.

I was talking to a co worker about it yesterday and she said, "Let's have a glass of wine and talk about it."  What twice in one day...I can't take it!

So I came home, still contemplating my decision, and these thoughts came into my head, "I want to be able to have a beer with them, I want to be able to have a glass of wine with my sister, I want to be able to sit in the sun and have a beer with my neighbor........this SUCKS!  Why can't i just be normal? Maybe I am normal, I am just making a big deal out of something that isn't and then, "Just go get a beer and drink it right now!  Hurry! All this nonsense will be over! Once you have the first one, the decision will be made! You can moderate!  Just be more careful!"

I made bowl of popcorn, poured a seltzer water, sat on the couch, watched TV for the next three hours and sulked...I may try again....no I'm not....please.....no....maybe?....not today.....

I got up this morning, after a night of terrible dreaming (I think I was dying in my dream), with a headache.  I got online and saw this little gem of a video.

It is all sooooo stupid!

http://www.stopdrinkingexpert.com/try-amazing-new-product-alcohol/

2/18/15 (Wed) Feeling crappy - PAWS

I just went back into my posts from October 2012 to find the name of something I had researched - PAWS.  I have 2 posts from then that talk about how tired I was. It was around the 80 day mark which is also when I started drinking again in the spring of 2012 (after 82 days sober).

It amazes me how quickly I can forget all the times I go through the same thing.  Thank goodness for my blog.  It reminds me how ridiculous this hamster wheel is.  I did not feel good at 49 days last time either (or at 80 days).  I just need to give myself time to heal.

This article says that is takes 2 years for the PAWS episodes to go away, but that the "episodes" usually only last a few days.  I will ride this out and hope I feel better in a few days.  I can definitely see how the feelings associated with this could cause relapse. I just feel depressed, unmotivated, exhausted, irritable...isn't this why I stopped drinking...to stop feeling this way?

http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.htm

Happiness a video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xzU9Qqdqww

Another music video (that I stole from another blog :) about the destruction of alcohol.  Watch all the way to the end.

feeling down

I am just feeling a little down today.  I didn't get anything done yesterday.  Just feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Maybe I am eating too much sugar....maybe I am dehydrated....maybe I am watching too much TV....maybe I need to exercise...maybe I am spending too much time on my computer...maybe I am procrastinating on the things I really need to get done (report cards and taxes)....maybe I should get up and get ready for work...

Excellent video about being a role model for our kids

http://www.stopdrinkingexpert.com/help-children-avoid-alcohol-trap/

OMG! This video is so true! especially the end when the rabbit?? says, "Who can make it all better?"

I worry so much about this.  My children (20 yo dd and 16 yo ds) know how much I struggle with alcohol.  I have been really upfront with them about my struggles in the last 2 years or so.  They were actually very surprised.  They thought I was a normal social drinker who just got carried away once in awhile and was just really tired or getting sick on Sundays.  Sometimes I worried about them knowing too much of my struggles (you know the whole putting adult problems on children thing) but I also didn't want them to think that drinking was this amazingly positive party thing that people just do.

They saw me party with my friends for 15 years (my son) and 19 years (my daughter). They liked the fact that I was fun and had friends and seemed young and happy and social.  They had no idea about the mental anguish I went through (no one did for about 5 years).  We live in a social neighborhood were everything is an excuse to drink and I was the party planner.  It was my excuse to drink in a safe (no driving) environment where my kids were also playing with other kids. It was perfect - except for the fact that I was doing all of that drinking in front of my kids.

My son wants NOTHING to do with any of it to the point that he won't drink wine at communion and won't take 2 Tylenol for fear of what it will do to his liver.  My worry for him is that when he goes to college and does "try" it, he will go to the other extreme.

My daughter is starting off just like me when I was 20, binge drinking on the weekends.  She told me that she does not drink for the taste or relaxation. She said she doesn't drink very often, but when she does it is shots of vodka with OJ chaser so she doesn't taste it and she gets drunk faster.  That scares the SHIT out of me! My fear for her is that she will turn out exactly like me!

I was even looking forward to her being of the age that we could drink together.  How sick is that? One of the reasons I didn't want to quit is because she is almost there. WTF?? On the show Intervention there are fathers who shoot heroine with their sons.  I am mortified and disgusted by the lack of parenting! How would I be any different when drinking with my daughter?

Looking back, I know I have not been a good role model in this area.  They saw their mother (and all the other parents) drink socially to have fun.  They never saw anything bad come from it, it all just probably looked fun to them.  That is why I want them to know about my struggles now.  It isn't all fun and games.  That evening of fun eventually comes with a hefty price mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally.

The absolute best thing I can do for them now is show them that it is possible to be happy without alcohol.  As much as I struggle, I want them to see me as a happy, social, outgoing, positive person without drinking.

Another challenge

I got back form our trip yesterday, and was pretty tired. Not the "I have been drinking all weekend and am just dragging through the day waiting to go tot bed tired, but just tired from the driving and wanting to relax on my own couch".  My neighbor (someone I drink with all the time) was in her back yard playing with her dog.  We have a low wrought iron fence so we talk all the time back there (and open the gate to drink together).  It was sunny and warm, but I just didn't feel like talking.  I know she saw me and I didn't want to be rude, so I went out and said hi.  She and her dh asked me and my dh if we wanted to come over for a beer and a seltzer water (she knows I am on sabbatical as she puts it). Well 6 hours, 7 pool games (at her house), 4 MMA fights (at my house), one bowl of popcorn, one box of junior mints and 4 club sodas later I finally went to bed SOBER!  Everyone else, (including an additional neighbor who came over) were drinking the whole time - some of them getting a little wasted. I did get pretty bored more than once, but I am really trying to not isolate myself.  Trying to find other ways to be social without drinking.

This is close to the view I am seeing this morning from out place in the mountains.  I am up and not hungover and pretty proud of myself.  I had one HUGE craving yesterday afternoon where I almost caved.  It was soo close.  We had been skiing all morning and were coming in for lunch.My sister who doesn't ski had a table saved for us.  It was a beautiful, sunny 40 degree day, I didn't have to go home and I wouldn't be the only one drinking.  The thought of sitting in the sun, having a beer was actually too much.  I have to admit that I had already talked myself into having that beer, to trying again, to doing better this time, convincing myself that I din't want to not drink forever.

But...when I get to the table, they are over in a corner, inside, surrounded by crowds of people (who aren't drinking BTW). They aren't drinking and my sister and her boyfriend are actually arguing, so the intense craving just went away - instantly.  It was like if my perfect little scenario of sitting in the sun with my ski boots off, my feet up, having a beer with my friends wasn't happening, I didn't care at all.  Weird how one little trigger can make that much of a difference.

When we got back from skiing, the wine was flowing, but I didn't drink.  I have a little confession that I did take a pain pill for my leg, which was hurting again after skiing. That messed with my head just enough to make me not want to drink. I know that sounds terrible,  just telling the truth.  The question is why does anything need to mess with my head?

I did notice last night when everyone was drinking except me, my family says some pretty mean shit to each other, especially when drinking. I don't understand why everyone has to make negative (oh I'm just joking) comments all the time.  I really don't think I do this (that much) but when drinking, I can just ignore all of it and blow it off.  I sure noticed it more last night and I don't like it.

School Parites + Long Weekend + Sunshine + Trip to the Mountains = HUGE TRIGGERS

So today is Valentine's Day at school.  I ALWAYS feel like having a beer when I get home after I have just managed to get through a party with 30 ten year olds.  It is supposed to be sunny this afternoon (HUGE TRIGGER) and I am going to the mountains for a couple of days after work (PARTAY!!).  Plus, a four day weekend, please.  That would mean I could really party it up with more days available to recover form a hangover.

I remember a couple years ago when we (my family and extended family) went up for the weekend. I took a half day sub so I could come home and get ready to go.  It was sunny so I decided to have a beer at lunch in the sun to celebrate my own self and the trip.  I was driving up with my sister so, perfect! Well, after 4 beers, I finally got my ass upstairs to pack which took forever (I have a bit if ADD anyway and when I drink I lose all focus).

This was my post from November 22, 2011, the date I am talking about:

I did not do all that great this weekend.  We rented a vacation home for Thanksgiving, had it early due to custody schedules with my sister.  Had family Thanksgiving on Saturday.  Had such an exhausting week last week - got off work early Friday since we were leaving, went outside on my porch at noon !!!!!  and had a beer!  I NEVER drink during the day unless on vacation.  I told myself I would on have the one to relax and then get to packing.  I wasn't driving up so guess what - had 3 beers altogether by 3:00.  Got packed up and got to the vaca house.  Then the wine was opened and I had 3 glasses over the course of the evening!  Not good - slept terrible - you know awake at 2:00, heart palpitations, hot flashes, shaky, can't go back to sleep. Said I wasn't going to drink as much the next night.  

Day 2 - Started cooking Thanksgiving dinner with my family and - you guessed it - started drinking - again in the afternoon - only beer at first - I do much better with that - but again the wine got opened for dinner.  Total - 2 beers - 4 glasses of wine and a complete freak out session with my dd right before bed.  Sooooooo disappointed with myself.  Another crappy  night of sleeping - same routine - said I wasn't going to drink the next day.  

Day 3 - 2 beers - 3 glasses of wine - butt....as I poured yet another glass of wine and sat down, I said to myself, "What are you doing?  No one around you is even drinking!  The one person that was quit awhile ago!"  I dumped it down the sink and drank three glasses of water before going to bed.  Slept better but extremely exhausted yesterday.  Did not drink and slept wayyyyy better last night.  Now today - tired, depressed, angry, disappointed, etc.  

I told myself that if I had one more hangover, I would abs for at least 30 days.  That is what I should be doing, but I am scared - whole week off, unfinished bottle of wine in the fridge, Christmas parties, etc. 

This is 3 1/2 years ago.  I am so sick of dealing with this shit!

I feel pretty good right now, early in the morning. I really feel like I turned some kind of corner.  Like I really just don't want to drink anymore.  Not because I should, but because I am just really sick of all of it.  For the first time ever, I can actually say I am sick of the buzz.  I have never felt that way before.  I have always been sick of the depression, anxiety, insomnia, anxiety, exhaustion but never the buzz.  That is what would always draw me back in.  It was either the need to feel socially accepted or the desire to alter my mental state.  I don't know what is different, but I just want to have a clear head at all times.  I would call that progress!

However, I am not going to be so niave to believe that I may feel differently when I get home - hyped-up yet exhausted, excited to go to the mountains and for a four day weekend, wanting to sit in the sun.....

I might have some bad cravings this weekend, just because that is what an addicted brain does so I am going to write a little something to myself to read later.

Dear Me,

I know that you really want to drink right now.  I know you think it will help you celebrate, fit in, have fun, relax, be happy and it might for the evening.  However, you will not feel that way in the morning.  You will be disappointed in yourself, mad, tired, anxious, depressed, defeated and most likely hungover (as I am sure if you give yourself permission to drink, you WILL, let me say that again - WILL over drink). Even if you are somehow able to control the amount you drink this weekend (AKA be a good girl), you WILL, let me say that again WILL, end up right back in the same spot you have been in for the last 10 years - depressed, anxious, obsessed, exhausted.  Go back and check your blog for the last several years. The truth/proof is right there in all of you blogs - year and after year - all of the struggles and the fighting with a stupid drug!

It is time to drop the rope. You can do this! You can be happy, relaxed, confident, present, rested, triumphant, proud of yourself and NOT hungover this weekend.  You can do this and no one else should pressure you into doing something that is not the right thing for you.  You know this is the right thing for you.  It is the healthy thing, and it is ultimately the happy thing! You can change the definition of you.

Mice, addiction and a ski trip

The following is an article about the causes of addiction.  It states that the cause isn't the drug itself but the environment in which the addict is in that keeps the using alive.

It states:

"So the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It is human connection."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/johann-hari/the-real-cause-of-addicti_b_6506936.html

I think is this why I have failed at sobriety in the past - isolation.  I just shut everyone out and get depressed.  I need to do it differently this time. I need to connect with people, make different memories, have fun/relax in a different way.

I am going skiing with my family this weekend.  EVERY time I have gone on a trip I have drank in excess.  EVERY TIME.  It has always just been an excuse.  And I am going with people I have ALWAYS drank in excess with including my sister's boyfriend.  When I asked him if they were going, his response was, "Are you drinking?"

This is my life and I am responsible for my own happiness.  I will prove that I don't have to drink to have a good time!

Chandelier

I am obsessed with this song by Sia and I didn't even know the words.  This morning I read that it is about her battle with alcoholism.  Now I love it even more.  Check it out

http://www.fuse.tv/2014/03/sia-chandelier

What do I say to that?

Yesterday I had my whole family over for dinner.  It was fine. I didn't have any cravings at all.  No one else was drinking either which helps.  I'm sure if I was drinking the wine would have been flowing. The rest of my family is lucky enough to be able to take it or leave it and not care either way.

My sister's boyfriend (of 8 years) just blurted out, "You can't go out with us anymore until you start drinking again.  I miss the fun you.  This is the boring you."

I know he was joking around (sort of). He doesn't even drink very often, just laughs at us when we do. He is an Italian from Chicago so I suspect he can be as loud as he wants when we are all drinking because we are also loud. But.....

What am I supposed to say to that?

A close one

Phew...that was a close one.

I was getting back from the grocery store on an extremely warm and sunny day.  We needed to leave for the restaurant in 30 minutes.  As I was driving home I was thinking about how in the past I would have had a beer before we left and how good that would taste.  Then I started thinking about how nice it is to be able to have a nice glass of wine at a nice restaurant. Then I started thinking that I don't want to be someone who never drinks. Then I started thinking, that I would just stop blogging, no one would ever even know. Then I thought that I would just be more careful this time.

I got an overwhelming craving for a beer as I put away groceries followed by a glass of wine at dinner.  It was so weird how all of my resolve just flew out the window and I was almost in some survival mode of, "Just don't think too much about it.  Just get a beer. Do it!  Right now! Hurry before you change your mind!"

Well, I thought maybe I was just thirsty and quickly poured a seltzer grapefruit.  The rest of the night was pretty easy but those 20 minuted were pretty intense.

Birthday Plans

My family is going out tonight for both my and my dh's birthdays.  We always go to this fondue restaurant that the kids love.  It take a long time to eat all three courses.  In the past I would have had at least one beer while getting ready and then 2 glasses of wine with dinner.  Many times I was the only one drinking bc my husband would drive home.  Now, both of my kids drive so we would both be drinking.

After we are going to a movie at a theater that allows you to drink while watching the movie in recliner seats.  I have NEVER seen a movie in this theater sober.  Seriously, why would you?  It is perfect.  You can drink as much as you want in the dark. No one is paying attention because their focus is the movie while yours is getting wasted.

How about a new plan. How about the focus being on spending quality time with people I love in a sober, calm, fully present, completely alive way instead of a buzzed, hyper, preoccupied, selfish way.

Let's try that tonight!

Video - 30 Reasons to Stop Drinking Alcohol

I found this video on UTube.

I am going to listen to it EVERY TIME I think about drinking again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTH-Mrm8YS8

The single most important reason I don't drink

http://www.stopdrinkingexpert.com/sick-tired-drinking/

The above link it all about what it is all about for me.  SLEEP!  When I am drinking I do not sleep well.  I'm talking about drinking only on the weekends and maybe only enough to have a hangover maybe once a month.  Putting even this amount of a drug into my body on a regular basis has a profound effect on the quantity of good quality sleep I am able to get.  In this video he talks about getting 10 hours of sleep after drinking but still feeling tired.  I was tired all of the time, no matter how much sleep I was getting.  The lack of quality sleep I was getting was affecting my anxiety, depression, mood, motivation and will power to not drink. I think I just get too tired to fight the fight.

I am slowly starting to come out of my drug induced sleep deprivation.  I am starting to remember that feeling of crawling into bed with a smile, feeling how good the sheets feel and just be happy to be in bed. I used to just basically fall into bed and pass out even Monday -Thursday when I was sober - just feeling so utterly and completely exhausted.  I am stating to remember the feeling of sleeping a solid 7-8 hours without waking up. The feeling of waking up in the morning, stretching, feeling how incredibly comfortable my bed is.  Waking up with a smile, thinking about what I need to get accomplished for the day. It used to be just waking up many times in the night and then still feeling tired in the morning, worried about how I am going to get everything done in the day.

I LOVE SLEEPING :)

2/1/15 (Sun) Skiing Injury and ......

Well.....we went skiing yesterday and I had some stupid slow motion fall that was ridiculous but hurt like HELL!  I did something really bad to my calf muscle. With the help of my son, I made it down the mountain (I was determined not to have to have ski patrol put me on a sled).  We had driven all the way to Vail and I wanted ds and dd to keep skiing for a bit.  I didn't want them to stop because of me.  I would be fine for a couple of hours as long as they helped me (I couldn't put any weight on my leg) find a place to sit.

I had 2 choices - a tavern or a coffee shop.

I broke my wrist trying to learn to snow board a couple of years ago and the same thing...find me a place to sit and you keep skiing.  I took advantage of the situation, chose the restaurant that had outdoor seating and ordered a beer.  I was in so much pain, I also took one of my sister's Vicodin. Then I ordered another beer. It really sucked that my wrist hurt, but I wasn't disappointed that I had an excuse to sit in the sun at base of the ski area and have a beer (or two).

Yesterday, I was faced with the same option after not drinking the entire month of January.  My ds was helping me walk (hobble) and the Tavern was actually closer than the coffee shop.  He asked, "Do you want to go in there?  It is closer?" I was moving about 4 inched a step, so it wasn't easy.

Drum roll.........I didn't even want a beer!!!  How cool is that!  It wasn't even a voice in my head.  I just wanted to get to the coffee shop, sit down and have a soy chai latte - in a fancy glass mug (this is Vail you know).

My leg hurts like a "you know what" today but I don't have a hangover :)