I am a 51 year old wife, teacher and mother of 2. I have a 21 year old son and a 25 year old daughter. New intro...I am sober and love it! It isn't always easy but it is always worth it!
Old intro...I am fighting this damn drug called alcohol. I have been a weekend binge drinker for 30 years. I binge 2-3 times a month on a Friday or Saturday, but alcohol kicks my butt every single day of my life. I am sick of it!
Monday, May 7, 2018
5/7/17 (Mon) Still here
I'm still here, just not absing, so don't want to post.
Anonymous from May 4th here: and I'm glad that you are still here. It's painful as an outsider to read your posts because it's clear that some part of you wants badly to live sober but another part doesn't. How I wish that we could convince you that the benefits of doing so FAR outweigh the short-term pleasure one may derive from drinking alcohol.
Yesterday was a year for me. I'm 57 years old and drank wine virtually every single night for 25 years. I spent the last five years (at least) fighting the relentless "will I/I won't/I did" battle in my head and trying desperately and unsuccessfully to moderate. I swear that by the end, if I wasn't thinking about work or responsibilities, my mind went to that struggle. It looped around in my head for hours. I actually asked my husband once what he thought about in a given day because I had no idea anymore. At least three years ago, I came to understand that I was going to have to quit completely because I simply couldn't drink as a normal woman. It took me two years to do so.
I discovered the online community of women in sobriety and listened to The Bubble Hour for about a year before I quit for good. Our sisters in sobriety showed me the path and provided compelling evidence of happy, fulfilling lives as sober women of all ages and backgrounds.
I think that you really want this, too, ksusier. I only know you from reading your blog, but I think that you, too, are going to have to understand that it is FAR easier to quit for good than it is to quit for 30 days or six months, or whatever arbitrary time one selects. And it may not be as bad as you think it will be. To my complete and utter amazement ... and I honestly mean that ... when I finally came to the decision on Sat. night, May 6, 2017 that I was really and truly done, the quitting itself was fairly easy.
Here's what worked for me: *Lurking online reading blogs and listening to women & sobriety podcasts. *In the months leading up to quitting, I admitted to my husband, siblings, close friends and my physician that I was starting to feel that I had a problem (the only lie was that I was "starting" - ha!) *Telling my husband that Saturday night that I was DONE *Completely indulging myself in the blogosphere and podcast world *Allowing myself to eat just about anything I wanted for a long while :)
I know that you enjoy drinking with your sister and you worry about fitting in. Guess what - nothing has to change except the fact that you aren't drinking alcohol. I still see my friends, I host dinner parties, I meet clients for drinks and for dinners, I attend events, I go on vacation, I take painting lessons with friends at a private home -- and most of the time, I am the only one abstaining. But you know what? I rarely have even a pang of sorrow because of the OVERWHELMING PEACE I now have. The f-ing, omnipresent internal dialogue and guilt are GONE. ... GONE, GONE, GONE. Dare I say it? I am HAPPY.
You have been at this for at least seven years. I so hope that you will fill yourself up with the collective wisdom and strength of this community, tell your sister that you need her help, discover the simple deliciousness of sparkling waters and tonics and make the leap to sobriety for good. You must know that we're all rooting for you. You can do this.
I know that you enjoy drinking with your sister and you worry about fitting in. Guess what - nothing has to change except the fact that you aren't drinking alcohol. I still see my friends, I host dinner parties, I meet clients for drinks and for dinners, I attend events, I go on vacation, I take painting lessons with friends at a private home -- and most of the time, I am the only one abstaining. But you know what? I rarely have even a pang of sorrow because of the OVERWHELMING PEACE I now have. The f-ing, omnipresent internal dialogue and guilt are GONE. ... GONE, GONE, GONE. Dare I say it? I am HAPPY.
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I really thought about this paragraph. It gives me hope that I can also some day get there. It just seems so far away and so unlikely.
Big hug. Sorry you are still suffering.
ReplyDeleteWe will be here when you are ready and send you love.
Anne
Thanks, Anne...it means a lot that you don't ever give up on me
DeleteAnonymous from May 4th here: and I'm glad that you are still here. It's painful as an outsider to read your posts because it's clear that some part of you wants badly to live sober but another part doesn't. How I wish that we could convince you that the benefits of doing so FAR outweigh the short-term pleasure one may derive from drinking alcohol.
ReplyDeleteYesterday was a year for me. I'm 57 years old and drank wine virtually every single night for 25 years. I spent the last five years (at least) fighting the relentless "will I/I won't/I did" battle in my head and trying desperately and unsuccessfully to moderate. I swear that by the end, if I wasn't thinking about work or responsibilities, my mind went to that struggle. It looped around in my head for hours. I actually asked my husband once what he thought about in a given day because I had no idea anymore. At least three years ago, I came to understand that I was going to have to quit completely because I simply couldn't drink as a normal woman. It took me two years to do so.
I discovered the online community of women in sobriety and listened to The Bubble Hour for about a year before I quit for good. Our sisters in sobriety showed me the path and provided compelling evidence of happy, fulfilling lives as sober women of all ages and backgrounds.
I think that you really want this, too, ksusier. I only know you from reading your blog, but I think that you, too, are going to have to understand that it is FAR easier to quit for good than it is to quit for 30 days or six months, or whatever arbitrary time one selects. And it may not be as bad as you think it will be. To my complete and utter amazement ... and I honestly mean that ... when I finally came to the decision on Sat. night, May 6, 2017 that I was really and truly done, the quitting itself was fairly easy.
Here's what worked for me:
*Lurking online reading blogs and listening to women & sobriety podcasts.
*In the months leading up to quitting, I admitted to my husband, siblings, close friends and my physician that I was starting to feel that I had a problem (the only lie was that I was "starting" - ha!)
*Telling my husband that Saturday night that I was DONE
*Completely indulging myself in the blogosphere and podcast world
*Allowing myself to eat just about anything I wanted for a long while :)
I know that you enjoy drinking with your sister and you worry about fitting in. Guess what - nothing has to change except the fact that you aren't drinking alcohol. I still see my friends, I host dinner parties, I meet clients for drinks and for dinners, I attend events, I go on vacation, I take painting lessons with friends at a private home -- and most of the time, I am the only one abstaining. But you know what? I rarely have even a pang of sorrow because of the OVERWHELMING PEACE I now have. The f-ing, omnipresent internal dialogue and guilt are GONE. ... GONE, GONE, GONE. Dare I say it? I am HAPPY.
You have been at this for at least seven years. I so hope that you will fill yourself up with the collective wisdom and strength of this community, tell your sister that you need her help, discover the simple deliciousness of sparkling waters and tonics and make the leap to sobriety for good. You must know that we're all rooting for you. You can do this.
Gratefully yours,
Melissa
Congratulations on your year Melissa!
DeleteIt only gets better and better.
Anne
I know that you enjoy drinking with your sister and you worry about fitting in. Guess what - nothing has to change except the fact that you aren't drinking alcohol. I still see my friends, I host dinner parties, I meet clients for drinks and for dinners, I attend events, I go on vacation, I take painting lessons with friends at a private home -- and most of the time, I am the only one abstaining. But you know what? I rarely have even a pang of sorrow because of the OVERWHELMING PEACE I now have. The f-ing, omnipresent internal dialogue and guilt are GONE. ... GONE, GONE, GONE. Dare I say it? I am HAPPY.
DeleteThank you so much for taking the time to reply. I really thought about this paragraph. It gives me hope that I can also some day get there. It just seems so far away and so unlikely.
Nope. It’s all available to you today. Today can be the first day of the rest of your life. You choose.
Delete