I was thinking about alcohol cravings. I can honestly say that after I give into that initial craving, I don't really even think I like to drink anymore. Here's how it goes for me:
- I'm going along with my day - everything is normal - no thoughts of alcohol.
- I get home from work - still good - no thoughts.
- One little thing happens - for example this new commercial for box wine that they keep playing at exactly the wrong time every evening on the news channel I watch.
- Because of that one commercial (or whatever the trigger is) a little teeny thought wriggles its way into my mind.
- I do a little mental struggle back and forth about how nice a beer would be, how its been a rough day, how I deserve it, how I can just have one.
- I do this in my head for about 10 minutes, many times almost dismissing the thought, and then I say, "Screw it. I'm having one beer." Its like a teeter totter slowly going back and forth (should I? shouldn't I?) that could easily land on either side for a few minutes. Them my addicted brain takes over and suddenly, forceably slams its side down and before I can recover any balance back, I have cracked open a beer. I can almost hear my brain saying to itself, "Hurry...go get one before you change your mind." That is some crazy talk... Does that make any sense to anyone??? AM I just crazy??
- I get that one beer and for the first few drinks, its good. It satisfies my craving.
- Inevitably, I get another one. I don't know why... I just do. I guess I think," Well I have already had one so what difference does it make." I have been really good at stopping at 2.
For normal drinkers, two beers would be nothing.
For me it is everything.
Here is the part I have been thinking about - after the craving has been satisfied -after those first three drinks of the first beer - I don't like it anymore. I don't like the buzz, I don't like not being clear headed, I don't like feeling distracted and ultra sensitive. I don't like not being able to sleep well. I don't like waking up in the morning a little groggy, my tummy feeling not quite right, not feeling positive and happy, instead feeling a little depressed, tired and down on myself.
Here is what I think I need to focus on:
SAYING NO TO THE CRAVING.......
Any suggestions???
If you are finding the cravings hard, then why not get rid of all the beer in your house? And if your triggers are to do with your normal routine, try to change it up a bit, maybe a project?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteGood idea but my dh works for a beer company so we have cases of it in the basement so I need to figure out how to deal with the urges with beer in the house :)
DeleteYou are not alone and funnily enough I just did a post about 'flashes' as I call these sudden thoughts. It's whether we hold them and expand them that determines if we sink or swim. I am only on day 5 myself AGAIN! But I am trying to keep it positive. I totally get what you are saying though. Keep fighting always.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I'll keep fighting and keep checking on your fight :)
Deletek, I went back through my blog to check, but, you know, once I made the decision for good, the urges seemed to disappear. When I made the decision on July 11, 2011 that I was done drinking, no more trying to moderate, no more going back, that was it. Yes, I'd said the same things before, but this time, I didn't have the nightly urges and the second guessing. I was done. I guess I finally had acceptance. I did relapse, but it wasn't really because I wanted to drink-it was because I was punishing someone else for their drinking. Stupid.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I have totally accepted the fact that I can't drink like a normal person yet (obviously). How ridiculous does that sound? "Drink like a normal person"? We don't say "smoke crack like a normal person."
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteGood post! Tried only watching from DVR or other device so you can fast forward?
ReplyDeleteTo shield myself from some temptations, I've been booking hobbies or activities after work up until near time to go to bed. So far, it's working.
Ya I think distractions like new hobbies may help.
Delete