Sunday, July 15, 2012


Thanks for the comments on my last post.  Cleo asked a great question that I want to ask to anyone who has some experience on the subject.  Am I depressed?  Absolutely, positively YES!  Am I getting little panic/anxiety attacks that are accompanied by hot flashes and an extreme sense of worry and fear?  Yes.  Am I losing sleep because of it? Yes.  Do I seem to to be having problems with many people in my life because I am being over sensitive and just an emotional mess is general? Yes.  Do I feel like I am just going through the motions of life, trying to get through the day, go to the gym, get my work done, make dinner, etc. but still have this sense of - what's the point? Yes.  Have I begun to wonder what the point of being a 44 year old woman even is? Yes. Have I lost my joy, my sense of purpose, my drive, my motivation? Yes. Have I maybe spent to much time looking at what is wrong with everyone else and not enough time looking at what I am doing to cause the problem? Yes. Have I become overbearing, micro managing, controlling and unreasonable? Yes. Could this be a sort of mid life breakdown? IDK. Does alcohol increase these problems?  Absolutely yes!

Here's the question...a chicken or the egg kind of thing...could I be depressed and I am using alcohol to self medicate.  When I drink I forget about my worries, am able to relax and have a good time.

or....Is the alcohol depressing me and I will just snap out of it if I stop drinking?

Should I...stop drinking first and then see how I feel?  Maybe the alcohol is making me depressed, anxious, purposeless.    (Remember I pretty much just drink on the weekends and have maybe 2-6 on a Friday and Saturday, but have been fighting this mental obsession with alcohol for years).

Should I start taking my anti depressants again and quit - Maybe it will make it easier to quit - address the underlying problem.

I wondered this same thing a couple of years ago and got a prescription for prozac.  I have no idea is it worked because the trick to to stop drinking.  I was still drinking on the weekends and the combination of an anti depressant and a depressant (alcohol) was a disaster.  I think it was the only time I was actually blacking out..I would go 0 to 60 in an hour and not know what hit I stopped the anti depressants.  I know I can't do both.

I would appreciate any thoughts, opinions or personal experiences.  I am really at a loss right now.  However, I am coming to the realization that drinking is not helping anything.  That sense of relaxation,  fun, loss of worries that I get from drinking comes with any awfully big price.

1 comment:

  1. Taking away the booze will kind of help because you won't be having that guilt & regret help but then not having the booze to numb when bad stuff happens is hard... so you need to be prepared for that and put some other mechanisms in place to help deal with the stress, depression, anger, or whatever. Exercise can help. Anti-depressants sure. I'm a big believer in talk therapy though .. can you find someone who you can explore the causes of these strong negative emotions and work out what to do with your own thoughts to combat them? It's the hard route but the one that will really lift you up longer term. xxxxx