Monday, March 28, 2016
3/28/16 (Mon) Spring Break Failure - drank 8/12 days - did do 30 in January but then started again
This is how I feel today. First day back to school after a terrible Spring Break. I have drank 8 out of the last 12 evenings. The ONLY days I did not drink were because I had such a bad hangover I couldn't. I am utterly and completely exhausted. I didn't drink at all in January, but since then it hasn't been good. Only on the weekends except for this week, but EVERY Friday, Saturday and usually Sunday I am drinking and with a vengeance. Back to going upstairs in the hotel to "make popcorn" but also guzzle another beer (after I've already had 5) getting obviously more drunk than everyone else....back to getting another beer at the ski lodge bar and guzzling it while my kids were skiing and my sister was in the bathroom. I'm talking an IPA draft beer in 10 minutes...back to already having 2 bloody marys by 1:00 pm because it is sunny and we are skiing...back to only sleeping 4 hours EVERY SINGLE time I drink - I wake up heart pounding, sweating, feeling like a "f"ing idiot...back to no energy, no motivation, no real inner peace and joy just all of the internal chaotic bullshit noise that that is either screaming and plotting for the next drinking occasion or beating myself up for the last one. Just plain ridiculous!