Well....I decided to keep writing. It really helps me process all that I am thinking and feeling. I don't do it for the feedback, although I truly enjoy when people care and respond to what is going on in my life. I feel that I have made some really good "cyber" friends and I value your honest opinions and feedback. I really just need to write in order to process my journey. So I will continue to write....
My Christmas break was a disaster. Granted my daughter turned 21 and we took her to Vegas to celebrate, but it was a disaster all the way around. I drank 11 of the 16 days with 4 pretty substantial hangovers. I stopped taking the naltrexone and just went back to my old ways.
The last day I drank was December 29 and it took 5 days to reenter my life. My "brain fog" finally lifted yesterday and I go back to work today. I have spent the last two weeks either drinking in the evenings or recovering from drinking. I am totally exhausted.
I am not drinking the month of January (at least). I need a break. My body needs a break. My mind needs a break. My spirit needs a break. I feel so much better when I don't drink. I am so much more patient, kind, quiet, calm and peaceful when I don't drink. I need to stop letting my need to drink on Friday and Saturday nights ruin the rest of my life.
I listened to this 8 minute meditation http://mrsmindfulness.com/new-years-meditation/ today that I thought was very appropriate to the new year. What really matters? my joy, happiness, peacefulness, contentment and self love every day of the week OR my "need" to have a drug on Friday and Saturday to be social and enjoy my weekend (which is really just an illusion that drug addiction throws over my eyes to make me continue).
I can definitely relate to the drinking through the holidays. I take off two weeks every year at Christmas and go back in January refreshed and revitalised. This year I just drank most of it away and like you feel tired and like I am on,y coming too again. Feel like I wasted two good weeks.
ReplyDeleteI am 47 years old and sick and tired of wasting days, weeks, months of my life....it needs to stop...
DeleteToday is a great day to be sober.
ReplyDeleteLife can be fun, silly and stress free. All without alcohol.
Hey k, MM is hosting a Dryuary challenge if you want to check it out. http://dryuary.org/wp/sign-up/ You know, k, you're right, it does need to stop. But until you commit to making it stop, no matter what, it won't. Sobriety is not a part-time effort, you can't take months off when you feel like it. I'm not trying to be harsh or judgmental, but I've been following you for several years and you haven't seemed to find a place or group or method that you can commit to. You seem to seek support when you are down, but you don't continue with it. Recovery cannot work if it is only done sporadically. And I'm not talking about succeeding or failing, I'm talking about committing to support, no matter whether you're succeeding or failing. Instead of just saying to hell with it over Christmas and now feeling beaten, you should have come on here and blogged about your Christmas or gone to the message boards and received some support and maybe, just maybe, something someone said might have convinced you to stay the course. Keep us in the loop, we're here for you, but we can't help if you only show up after the damage is done. You know I say this with care and concern and all the hopes I've always had for you.
ReplyDeleteHey amiga, we're missing you. Kary
ReplyDelete