I am really struggling right now. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I feel like I am losing it...on the verge of a mental breakdown.
Is this is some sort of PAWS episode? I don't think I want to drink but am in such a bad emotional state that the thought that drinking would give me some relief has popped into my head. At least when I drank I could choose to not look at things. I would just focus on getting through until the weekend when I could have fun and not worry about things.
Is this some sort of mid-life crisis? I have spent the last 25 years focusing on my kids and they are now all grown up. My daughter is thousands of miles away with a great boyfriend building a life for herself. My son is still in college but needs me less every day. I am so grateful that they have turned out so well, are doing a good job "adulting" and are happy. I just wonder where that leaves me.
Am I in an unhappy marriage that I have tried to end at least four times in the past but have either chickened out, changed my mind, decided I didn't want it, and for sure didn't want to hurt everyone else? Now I have no more distractions such as drinking and kids to keep me from seeing how unhappily married I am?
Do I have a mental illness such as depression, anxiety, bipolar? Do I need to be taking medication? I thought all of that was caused by my drinking and here I am 9 months sober suffering mentally and emotionally as badly as I did in active addiction.
Are my hormones off? Do I need to get my estrogen level checked again as I am having terrible night sweats, insomnia, exhaustion and sadness again? Maybe my HRT needs to be readjusted.
I feel so lost and don't know what to do. I am so sick and tired of trying to analyze myself, fix myself, figure out what is wrong with me. All of this obsessing over what is wrong with me, trying to have some insight and then trying to do better, be better, feel better is exhausting. I don't even know where to start. It all just feels so hopeless and pointless. I almost feel beyond the ability to function and I have no idea why.
From my personal experience you are experiencing the 9 month blast (as I called it). 9 months sober my emotions turned on full tilt. Reach out, get help, talk to people. I didn't and had to start over. I'm so proud of you and how far you have come, hang in there. Sorry I can't offer more. A
ReplyDeleteThank you. It is encouraging to know someone else went through the same thing and got through it.
DeleteI was pretty moody at 9 months, and at 18 months I just went through another bout with it. I think it's that we've put in all of the hard work to get where we are and just want to "be normal" and feel amazing. Hang in there, this will pass...just don't drink because you don't want to have to start any of this stuff over again!
ReplyDeleteYou are so right...I do not want to start all over. I have worked very hard to get this far.
DeleteHugs to you. Perhaps speaking with your Dr about the physical symptoms would be a first step? Can your Dr refer to you a councilor, someone to chat to about how you are feeling to help sift through it all and help uncover what is going on.
ReplyDeletePlease keep on not drinking, you've come a long way. Look after yourself.
Thanks...I am looking forward to my dr apt to discuss how I am feeling. I can't just live in my head anymore.
DeleteI really think you need to be sure it’s not hormones. I’d go to doctor first.
ReplyDeletexo
Wendy
I have an apt with my ob/gyn so we will see
DeleteLiquor abuse, or liquor reliance, is a sickness that causes. Longing for - a solid need to drink. Loss of control - not having the capacity to quit drinking once you've begun. Physical reliance - withdrawal indications. AUD needs a long haul treatment with the assistance of treatment focuses like https://www.tryrehabfirst.com/.
ReplyDeletehttps://icemakershub.com/homelabs-portable-ice-maker-review/ You can determine the quality of espresso by the color of its foam. Ideally, it should be between golden walnut and deep beige. A whitish foam through which particles of coffee are visible suggests that the coffee was put too little or used too coarse grinding. By the way, it is in foam that the whole taste of espresso is enclosed, but after 15 seconds after preparation, it begins to dissolve, so you need to drink a drink within the first minute. They drink espresso in 2-3 sips, without sugar and spices, and the aftertaste of a properly prepared drink should last an average of 10-20 minutes.
ReplyDelete