Claire made a comment on my blog yesterday about Cognitive Dissonance. I looked it up...so true
In the field of psychology, cognitive dissonance is the mental discomfort experienced by a person who simultaneously holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values.
Dissonance will be resolved in one of three basic ways:
- Change beliefs. Perhaps the simplest way to resolve dissonance between actions and beliefs is simply to change your beliefs. ...
- Change actions. A second option would be to make sure that you never do this action again. ...
- Change perception of action
I think maybe the first step is to #2 - change the action. Kind of a fake it until you make it strategy. Pretend to have fun or being ok with not drinking even if I'm not. Smile when I don't feel like smiling. Just don't drink. #3 would hopefully follow. Over time the perception of the action would change. It wouldn't seem depressing and boring and isolating and lonely to not drink it I had experienced something different by not drinking for a year. Then, because of this, my beliefs about being sober #1 - would naturally change. They only step I am skeptical about is actually learning/experiencing being sober and happy and not depressed/lonely/bored. I guess I just need to have a little faith in what all fo the sober, happy people keep telling me....that it is possible.
I got up this morning - still on vacation in the mountains and dumped 1/2 a bottle of wine and 2 beers down the sink. I was so determined to not drink on my dd birthday yesterday in honor of her and how she likes it better when I don't drink, but I still drank. I can be so certain when I wake up in the morning, while drinking my coffee or blogging, but by 2:00 my mind has already shifted and I am battling myself over whether or not I will drink. By 5:00 I have given in to my impulse and drank. If I can't even keep a promise to myself to not drink on her birthday, it is time to stop.
Plus, why in the world would I think this attempt at moderation would be any different that last last million attempts over the past 10 years. This attempt may even be worse considering my attempts seem to be leading to faster more intensive drinking behaviors than in the past and that my ds and dd will both be out of the house. I could drink without anyone knowing. That sounds like a bad idea.
If I'm going to start my year of sobriety on 1/1, why not just start today? Do I really need to poison my body for the next three days? I know that if I knew I was quitting 1/1, the next three days would be filled with drinking which would lead me down the road of feeling horrible on 1/1 an probably for a few days after that. Is that really the way I want to spend my last few days of break with my children - thinking about drinking, drinking and recovering from drinking? No...I would rather my focus be on my family.
I am super scared I will fail.....again....but here's to day 1 of 365 days with no alcohol.
Perfect! I really think you have the truth here.
ReplyDeleteI quit for almost six months last year and the voices stopped. I was peaceful and happy. Ithought that meant I was fixed and could moderate. So I thought I'd try. I figured it I could just quit again if it didn't work out. Then my dad died and I soothed myself with wine. Every night. So now I'm quitting again. I want to get back to that peaceful place.
I'm on day three and blogging daily. Come join me! Quitting totally sucks but I know it's going to be worth it.
Jen
That’s a perfect plan. You can do this.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Anne