Reflecting

The last month goes something like this:

abs 14 days - recovering - really committed to this new way of life

two sips of a beer - just sips - jeez

7 abs days

one drink - it is ok - just one - I am spending too much time working on all of this

5 days of abs - not thinking about it as much

one drink - hey this is OK - I can be a normal drinker

4 days of abs - start distancing myself for my mmabsers lists - too much time on the computer

1 drink - hey it os Friday - I have been doing well

4 drinks - well I don't know how that happened - but at least it was just beer - not wine

6 drinks - it was wine - so feeling a little down this morning

I see a pattern here - fewer abs days in between - alcohol consumption increasing.

I still think I am confused about what I really want. Do I want to:

A.  Stop worrying about all this.  Stop the obsessing.  Sign out from all lists.  Just live my life having a couple of drinks here and there?  (I really am not that bad.)

B.  Keep plugging away at moderating because I really don't want to never drink again, just don't want to have a problem.  (Let's face it - I do have issues with alcohol.)

C.  Abs forever - Well that may sound like the most peaceful (and truly what I want in my heart) - but a lot of work to get and stay there and kind of a drag.