8/26/18 - Building new relationships with old friends.

Got through my first full week as a middle school teacher.  I love it! I'm sure it is going to get more difficult once the assignments start rolling in (or not) and I have to deal with missing/ late work, kids who aren't understanding, parents who have questions, etc. but it is a relief to only teach one subject. Also, middle school teacher seem to be a little more chill which is good for me. I tend to get caught up in the environment I am in. If I am teaching with intense teachers, I tend to be more intense. I'd rather be chill :)

No major craving this week - too busy and too tired. Friday -  just came home, binged watched some Netflix, ate some pizza and went to bed early. Last night dh wanted to get together with two of our couple friends. He had gotten mad at me last weekend for not wanting to do anything, so I (reluctantly) said yes. One of the other women doesn't drink, so that made my decision a little easier. We went to dinner and then came back to our house. They guys stayed inside drinking their fancy high alcohol imperial stouts. We sat out back on the patio. I made myself a lemon/mint San Pellegrino in a fancy stemless wine glass full of ice and we just talked for four hours. 

I have to say...it was nice. We all kind of shared some things we were struggling with and were a little vulnerable.  I shared a little about my alcohol journey which always feels empowering. When I drank, I never really had authentic conversations with anyone. I was a manic drinker....it made me hyper and kinda selfish. Sure, I could sit and talk for hours, but I was still hyper in my own head, wasn't really listening and probably wouldn't remember the conversations clearly the next day. I was sitting there talking and drinking and "listening" but not really present. It wasn't a real connection.

Last night, I really feel like we had some connections and were honest yet supportive of each other. I never have felt like I have had "real" girlfriends that truly cared about me and what was happening in my life. That could be bc I have been so wrapped up in my own bullshit for so many years I haven't really cared about anyone else. All of my relationships have seemed superficial bc they have been built while drinking. They have been more like drinking buddies.

Maybe now I can start to build some supportive, girlfriend, "real" connections with people. It is an interesting prospect that isn't going to happen with me isolating on the couch. I do know I need down time, though, so maybe just "chill" on Friday night and then try to do something social on Saturday...even if I don't feel like it. I didn't feel like it last night but am now glad that I did.

Here's to a hangover free life and building "real, authentic" relationships with people!