It is so difficult to come back to my blog when I have written for days or maybe even weeks about not drinking and then drink. It just seems so humiliating and embarrassing and hard to deal with. It is easier to just keep getting through my day without thinking about it - without looking at it.
It hasn't been a complete fail. I have only drank on the weekends, have taken my naltrexone every time and not overdone it, but I don't feel great. It just seems that no matter how much I drink, it just kind of dulls my life in general. I just seem to be more tired, emotional, numb. - and I'm talking about when I am sober. Does that make sense? It is hard to explain. I just feel like I get to through my day in some sort of distracted, foggy mode. Like I just am constantly looking around (not literally) so I don't focus on any one thing so I don't have to focus on the ONE thing that I know I should.
Well, not much else to say. I feel down, grumpy, tired, blah, unmotivated. I know what I need to do...
I have no idea why you're tail is between your legs. You're not doing the same thing, repeating the same action and expecting different results. You stuck to your promise to take the Naltrexone, be proud of that, you didn't do that in the past.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that you're grumpy and tired and blech! Discomfort is the best impetus for change. I wonder k, if it is not just your drinking that makes you unhappy. Perhaps, like most of us, when you rip away the bandage of drinking, you find your still bleeding from a wound. Maybe you need to figure out where you got that wound and then you can figure out how to heal it.
I love this comment MaryKay, so true.
DeleteYou know what you need to do.
ReplyDeleteNow it's time to find the way to do it.
That haze is withdrawl.
Consider what you are getting form this experiment in restricted drinking using naltrexone. Are you having fun? Is it adding joy to your life?
If not, what needs to change?
How do you accomplish that change?
Life is an undo ending series of decisions. If we keep making the same ones, we do get the same results....
Hugs.
Anne
I have come back tail between my legs so many times and know that feeling of shame saying "Hi I'm back and I've been drinking" The thing is..... When I read you say that I think, Ahhh poor you and how strong you are for coming back. I want to give you a hug and say it's ok and we have all been there. I love that you have come back to try again and I hope you find whatever nugget I found this time and keep pushing on. It is simple but it isn't easy. Big hugs and so happy to have you back posting.
ReplyDeleteI am learning how to get out into the world.
ReplyDeleteIt's been process to be sure.
The comments above are good.
Welcome back, and never give up.
xo
Wendy