Tuesday, November 20, 2012

success and struggles


Friday - The last day of an incredibly busy work week, a whole, week off, sun was shining.....a perfect reason to celebrate with a beer in the past.  Thank goodness my ds had basketball games.  I was pretty busy being a mom and didn't really thin about it - thankful for the distraction.

Saturday - Friend's 80's birthday party at a bar, free drinks, no kids, everyone else drinking....a perfect excuse to partay!! in the past.  Really didn't want to go, but did - knew it was the right thing to do.  I went, didn't drink and was perfectly fine with it.  Didn't even care. Got a little annoyed with one of my old drinking buddies who was getting a little loud and annoying trying to talk to me.  Actually had some real, calm conversations with some friends I hadn't seen in awhile.

Monday - Did Thanksgiving early - worked best for our family.  First Thanksgiving (except when pregnant) that I didn't drink.  It was fine.  


Monday - For the first time in a long time I actually had that,  "I want to have a beer feeling."  It was mid afternoon, sun was shining and I was cooking.  In the past I would have had a beer or two while prepping all my Thanksgiving contributions at home, another one while getting ready and then more once we got there.  I had a really big urge while cooking and showering.  That whole rapid pules, kind of tingly, head buzzing, furrowed brow, deep breaths, grumpy feeling.  I knew if I just put my head down and powered through it would go away and that is what I did, but it just felt a little stressful at the family dinner.  I was little bored, anxious, tired, annoyed.... just felt like I put my head down and powered through.  It was uncomfortable, but I made it through. I didn't drink, so that was good.

I have been have been having drinking dreams again.  My dreams have been very stressful - being late, lost, chased, angry, running but going nowhere, missing flights, upset and then the last one guzzling beer in secret.  I just feel a little out of sorts, a little grumpy.

I am starting to feel a little isolated.  I feel like I have lost all of my friends, my dh is drinking (which is fine, just different for me not to be).  Just don't quite know where I belong, where I fit in, what my purpose is....


  1. I think that everybody gets stressed and anxious and sometimes feel like they're just powering through situations. It's just that you and I used to cover those normal feelings up with alcohol and now that we don't drink we have to just live with feeling them. And sometimes that sucks.

    But this isn't a dress rehearsal...we only get one life, K. Why spend any of it all muffled and fuzzy and hiding from reality? Sometimes life is glorious and sometimes it's tedious (and sometimes it just sucks) but it's still such a gift.

    I think you're doing terrific, by the way.

  2. Hmmm I commented earlier today but it has disappeared but that's the kind of day I've been having, I had to return back to the house twice to pick up the sweet potatoes that I was supposed to drop off at my friend's house. Geez, if I was still drinking, I'd blame my forgetfulness on that but I guess sober doesn't fix blonde scatterbrainness. lol

    I don't have anything to add to Lulu's wonderful post, and you are doing terrific, by the way.

    Happy Thanksgiving, mi amiga!