I didn't realize I hadn't posted since Dec 30. What has happened since then?
New Year's Eve - tried something different this year. Last year I spent in bed feeling sorry for myself, having a panic attack because I didn't want to drink. The 25 years before that I drank myself silly and felt like crap the next day. This was my day - the day everyone else was drinking as much as me and I could drink as much as I wanted. A couple of times I was even throwing up and in bed by 10:00 and the party was at my house!
This year, to try something different, we went to dinner with my sister, her kids, and some friends. They all drank and I didn't. It really wasn't a problem because the situation was different. It probably would have been harder at a party. After, we went and saw The Hobbit. It was great and I didn't have to be terrified of my alcohol level still being be too high if I got pulled over. We came home, watched the ball drop and went to bed. New Year's Day was spent walking the dogs, making a nice dinner, and playing games instead of nursing a hangover pretending nothing was wrong for my kids.
My dd turned 18 and we went skiing for a couple days. A couple of times were hard on this trip. One was when we first got to the hotel. I ALWAYS used to pop one open as soon as we walked in the door. I would even subconsciously delay our arrival so that is wasn't too early for me to drink. Our "vacation" seemed a little less celebratory, and I was a little mad but I opened a seltzer and got through it. We went out to dinner and I really wanted something with my husband but didn't. I used to love a cold beer in the sun during lunch while skiing. Did I say I loved it? I absolutely loved it. THAT was hard. It was a beautiful day, we were staying that night so we didn't have to drive - perfect! We sat in the sun as the ski resort after an amazing morning, eating my delicious bowl of chicken chili with chalulas, peppers and cheese, sipping on my ............ Life Water! I did it! I took my first little vacation with no alcohol! I have NEVER EVER done that - since I was like 18! I was almost afraid to try to do it but I figured it was just me, dh and the kids - this would be any easier "first" than with family or friends.
170 days today!
There's another first under your belt. Good for you. I still miss a drink first thing when I hit a hotel room, maybe I always will. But the missing is getting less and less and right now I can't remember the last time I had a real urge. Miss it? Yes. Want it? No. Two different things.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy for you, k. I hope it's becoming worth all the struggle.
Kary
I still miss a glass of wine (or six...whom am I kidding) when the hubs and I go out to dinner or on a warm, sunny afternoon in the summer. It's not a bad missing...I think it's moved on to nostalgia.
ReplyDeleteBecause of finances we haven't been on vacation since I got sober and I'm glad. That would have been really hard.
And look at you! 170 days and you did it! Woo-hoo!
Whom? Damn you autocorrect!
DeleteTerrific!! I popped over here to check on you and look how great you're doing!
ReplyDeleteI'll add another Woo-Hoo to the collective cheer!
Lulu