Sunday, March 29, 2015

so true

Addiction quote: "Addiction is not something we can simply take care of by applying the proper remedy, for it is in the very nature of addiction to feed on our attempts to master it."

3/29/15 (Sun)Failure yet again - 64 days sober and then drank

Friday - March 5 - 64 Days Sober

I made a conscious decision that I would ONLY drink when in a social situation that was excruciatingly painful not to.  That I really was enjoying my life more sober except in those situations.

Saturday - March 6 - 2 beers

Saturday - March 14 - 3 beers

Spring Break
Friday - March 20 - 2 beers
Saturday - March 21 - 4 glasses of wine
Monday - March 23 - 2 beers (alone while cooking - hiding it)
Tuesday - March 24 - 2 beers (alone while cooking - hiding it)
Thursday - March 26 - 2 beers

Ski Trip
Friday - March 27 -  4 beers (1 alone when arriving - drank fast to hide it)
Saturday - March 28 - 1 Bloody Mary (alone), 4 beers (one alone), one glass of wine (no one else drinking at dinner)

March 29 - exhausted, sad, anxious, nervous, disappointed, confused, angry


Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Feeling weird - sugar?

I felt so good yesterday, but this morning I feel groggy, out of it and tired.  Could it be sugar? Sunday night I didn't eat any sugar and got 8 solid hours of sleep. Last night I ate 4 Girl Scout cookies right before I went to bed and only got 7 hours of sleep. I am going to try to not eat any sugar tonight and see if that helps how I feel tomorrow morning.  I think my body craves all of the sugar that it is no longer getting from alcohol.  Anyone else experience this?

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Searching for Coincidences

I saw this TED talk this morning.  It is pretty entertaining with a guy doing some magic tricks that are pretty amazing, but I truly believe in the message he was giving.  I am a firm believer that EVERYTHING happens for a reason.  We are getting "messages" from the universe, God, a higher power (whatever you believe) all the time, we just aren't usually paying attention.  I could name hundreds of times this has happened to me.  For example, I had to have surgery 4 years after the birth of my second child.  I was a stressed out disaster - trying to work full time, run a household and be a good mom.  As I was laying in the hospital bed at 4:00 am, I turned on the TV and a woman came on talking about how your life is your choice, that you only have one life to live and how you live it is a choice.  She said and I quote, "Money isn't everything. Your priority right now should be your children.  Everything else will work itself out."  I was flabbergasted.  I felt like it was a "message". My dd had a teacher who job shared.  I asked her the next week what it was like to job share. She said and I quote, "Oh my gosh, I need a partner next year. You should do it with me!"  I couldn't believe it! After a lot of contemplating about the .5 paycheck, I took the job for 2 years.  It wasn't easy financially, but we made it through and I was much happier.

I could probably give hundreds of examples of this happening in my life.  I think that the "universe" will always steer us in the right direction and is always giving us clues, it is our job to pay attention and listen.

Wow! That was deep this morning :)